Crazy Coo Coo Birds, Indeed...
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| A Farewell to Arms | ||||
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Pardon me, Crazy FASCIST Coo Coo Birds.
I LOVE this.
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It's Dim, Alright...
Oh my god... It's 8:30pm Eastern time and it's dark out now. IT'S DARK!! WHAT HAPPENED?? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SUN??!! AAAHHH!!
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Unusually Large Snowstorm | ||||
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I'm not sure who's funnier; Jon Stewart and his correspondents up above? Or the complete morons in the paragraph just below? Ah well... I suppose if I were to really break it down, I'm laughing with the peeps above, and AT the dip-shits below.
In the middle of this week's storm, Senator James Inhofe constructed an "igloo" in Washington, DC and posted a sign reading "Honk if you heart global warming." Senator Jim DeMint tweeted "It's going to keep snowing in DC until Al Gore cries uncle." Rush Limbaugh and Fox News chimed in with story after story distorting the facts to fit their dishonest narrative.
But, of course, WE know that extreme weather IS climate change.
Fact: Climate change causes more frequent and severe snowstorms
Record snowstorms need two things: temperatures below freezing, and very high humidity. On a planet warmer by a few degrees on average, the Northeast US will still have plenty of days below freezing; the big difference will be warmer seas producing higher levels of moisture in the air — and therefore more severe cold-season storms.
Fact: We can expect more extreme weather
Scientists tell us that climate change has already led to more extreme weather in the United States and we can expect stronger hurricanes, more wildfires, heatwaves and droughts, to name a few. The cost of inaction could reach half a trillion dollars a year.
Fact: The world is warming at a quickening pace
Weather in one region over days or months should not be confused with climate or the patterns of weather over decades and centuries. And the science is clear here: the last decade was the hottest on record. And to put this year’s weather in perspective, January was warmer than average for the continental United States.
(via: Repower America)
*** How Global Warming Makes Blizzards Worse
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India To Invade The U.S. & Gretchen Carlson's Brain Cells Have Conveniently Left The Building
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
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| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
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"Gretchen Carlson dumbs herself down to connect with an audience who sees intellect as an elitist flaw."
There, there, sweetheart... You should be crying... I'd be crying too if I were just crowned MISS COMPLETE FUCKING JACKASS. I'm only half of one... a runner-up, if you will. But, you... YOU! You're just a disaster, Gretchen!! AND YOU'VE WON! YOU'VE WON!!
Unfortunately, it's your viewers who've lost.
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The 11/3 Project
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| The 11/3 Project | ||||
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Yes, Glenn Beck and all you Beckinmaniacs, we're laughing AT you... After all, it gets rather tiresome arguing with stupid.
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Let's Flush Those Turds Down The Toilet And Start With A Fresh Bowl
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
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Besides the U.S. needing DESPERATELY to have election reform (Publicly Funded elections) and a viable multi-party system (not this RIDICULOUS duopoly bullshit), at the very least, it would help if we had people in Congress with brains AND balls. Now, THAT would be something worth voting for.
*** Corporately Owned Congress Blocking The Way For Meaningful Reform
*** The Fair Elections Now Act
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Neverian
So, some of you may have seen this video for Evian?
Yes, all of the babies are very cute, however the video kind of disturbs me. Especially when the babies leap onto the fence and grab it like they're little flesh-eating animals.
I love babies and most children, but there are just some things that shouldn't be fucked with. Like babies don't fucking rollerskate. And pretzels shouldn't taste like pizza. Pizza should taste like pizza and pretzels should taste like pretzels. And babies should taste like babies.
So, besides the babies doing flips off park steps in their rollerskates, break-dancing and devouring all animal life in the park, I'm rather tired of mass marketing. And for BOTTLED WATER??
Enough already.
Safe drinking water should not be a commodity, but a basic right that every human should have. And while the bottled drinking water of our age has been a brilliant marketing scheme to bamboozle the comatose consumer, it's frivilous and has wreaked havoc on our environment with so much fricking garbage, it's crazy. CRAZY, BISHES!!
Now, I get buying a bottle of water on a roadtrip, when you don't have the luxury of a glass and a clean faucet. However... I do believe that we've gotten WAY CARRIED AWAY.
I love the French for many reasons...
Monet's truly brilliant and stunning "Water Lilies" at Musee de L'Orangerie
The installation of how the paintings wrap around the room,
encompassing exactly what Monet saw as he turned 360 in his garden is actually spiritual.
I welled up with tears and if there were no witnesses to be had,
I probably could've wept and touched my penis all over and maybe caressed my bum-bum as well. I know, I know... I'm being awfully dramatic, but it should be experienced in person... caressing my bum-bum that is.
I also love the French for their wine. Although, they keep the good stuff and ship the shitty stuff to us.
And a nice bottle of Burgundy is exactly what you should have with lunch before going to witness Monet's Waterlilies. Then, not only will you be crying and telling everyone how much you love Monet and his cataracts, you'll be stumbling and quite possibly barfing as well, which is always fun.
Especially in public.
At least in hindsight.
Then, of course, you should stumble your intoxicated ass on over to the Arc de Triomphe. Just forget about taking the tunnels under the streets to get to it, I say just run as fast as you can across the six lanes of other speeding drunks and yes, you'll probably get hit by a car or two, but you'll be drunk. So, that means you'll be limber and won't get hurt. With a little luck, you'll most likely land right where you wanted to go in the first place. Just wear black so the blood doesn't show.
And then, there is Monsieur President Sarkozy.
Ohhh la la... Monsieur Sarkozy... So cozy... Mon petit fleur... I would ask you if I had the chance, "Who's your Daddy? Huh?"
Or so there's no mistaking what I'm asking and nothing is lost in translation... as though love doesn't cross all language barriers...
"Monsieur So-Cozy, Qui est ton pere? Qui est ton pere?
Ohh... You don't know? Excuse-moi... I mean, Vous ne savez pas?
JE SUIS TON PERE! JE SUIS TON PERE!! OUI? OR NON??
VOUS ETES UN MAUVAIS GARCON ET VA RECEVOIR UNE FESSEE!! MAIS OUI!!"
Oh. Sorry. I just said, "I am your daddy! I am your daddy! Yes? Or no? You are a bad boy and going to receive a spanking. But yes."
Now, I don't care for all the dog shit all over the avenues and rues de Paris.
But, then again, it's all over New York as well. So, it's not particular to the French.
(Source of New York Shitistics)
And even though I don't wear cologne or toilet water, (HA!) Sometimes the French smell a little...
ripe. Sorry, it's true. But, then again, I'd rather smell someone "ripe", than someone doused in perfume and dryer sheets. Yuk.
So, yes... I love the French for many reasons and some not so much
But, I definitely curse the French for making spring water and Evian fashionable...
"Sacre bleu!!"
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
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***The Truth About Bottled Water***
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Cleaning Up The Garbage Dump
(Clay Bennett / Chattanooga Times Free Press)
(Matt Davies / The Journal News)
(Mike Keefe / Denver Post)
CHAPEL HILL, N.C. – In political debate, the side that keeps its arguments simple and repeats them again and again is likely to gain the advantage. It is an easier sale, especially when the topic is as scary as terrorism.
That's because "simple" and "repetition" are much easier for stupid people to attain.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | M - Th 11p / 10c |
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"In dealing with this situation [Guantánamo], we do not have the luxury of starting from scratch. We are cleaning up something that is -- quite simply -- a mess; a misguided experiment that has left in its wake a flood of legal challenges that my administration is forced to deal with on a constant basis, and that consumes the time of government officials whose time should be spent on better protecting our country."
- President Barack Obama, address at the National Archives, 5/21/2009
Two Bush-era officials reject Cheney's security stance
****If you're so inclined, please sign the petition: Hold KBR/Halliburton War Profiteers Accountable
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Gay Marriage Is No Longer Immoral... It's a Budget Buster Now
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | M - Th 11p / 10c | |||
| Gay Marriage Is Bad for Small Business | ||||
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Michael Steele and the Republicans are just embarrassingly pathetic...
The California Supreme Court announced that it will release its decision on the fate of Proposition 8 on Tuesday, May 26.
The court will either uphold the Constitution, recognizing equal protection under the law, or uphold discrimination, taking away fundamental civil rights from a minority. (source)
So, Will and I may be divorced by Tuesday afternoon...
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The Chorus Line
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | M - Th 11p / 10c | |||
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The Obama Administration is kicking ass so far. Or was... It's a surreal time to see the pendulum swinging back to what seems like a better time. A new age almost... For the most part, I've been thrilled and grateful to witness it.
But, my baby's daddy has disappointed me. He and they, could've made a stand that so early in his administration could've gone under the radar. With folks so concerned about their financial well-being, literally hoping to save their very homes, and how they're going to receive health care or not... and whether or not our drinking water is actually safe for consumption with our environment in such degradation, I think President Obama could've stepped in and said, "We need all the translators we can get. We need all the good women and men we can get. This is a non-issue. And it's actually an UNFAIR issue. It's discrimination." And people would've believed him.
And those who wouldn't, never will. They're too simple minded.
With Iowa and Vermont, Maine and Washington D.C. stepping up to a higher level of inclusion and true civil rights. The White House and President Obama did not.
And it's shameful. Disgraceful.
And sadly, predictable.
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
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