Neverian
So, some of you may have seen this video for Evian?
Yes, all of the babies are very cute, however the video kind of disturbs me. Especially when the babies leap onto the fence and grab it like they're little flesh-eating animals.
I love babies and most children, but there are just some things that shouldn't be fucked with. Like babies don't fucking rollerskate. And pretzels shouldn't taste like pizza. Pizza should taste like pizza and pretzels should taste like pretzels. And babies should taste like babies.
So, besides the babies doing flips off park steps in their rollerskates, break-dancing and devouring all animal life in the park, I'm rather tired of mass marketing. And for BOTTLED WATER??
Enough already.
Safe drinking water should not be a commodity, but a basic right that every human should have. And while the bottled drinking water of our age has been a brilliant marketing scheme to bamboozle the comatose consumer, it's frivilous and has wreaked havoc on our environment with so much fricking garbage, it's crazy. CRAZY, BISHES!!
Now, I get buying a bottle of water on a roadtrip, when you don't have the luxury of a glass and a clean faucet. However... I do believe that we've gotten WAY CARRIED AWAY.
I love the French for many reasons...
Monet's truly brilliant and stunning "Water Lilies" at Musee de L'Orangerie
The installation of how the paintings wrap around the room,
encompassing exactly what Monet saw as he turned 360 in his garden is actually spiritual.
I welled up with tears and if there were no witnesses to be had,
I probably could've wept and touched my penis all over and maybe caressed my bum-bum as well. I know, I know... I'm being awfully dramatic, but it should be experienced in person... caressing my bum-bum that is.
I also love the French for their wine. Although, they keep the good stuff and ship the shitty stuff to us.
And a nice bottle of Burgundy is exactly what you should have with lunch before going to witness Monet's Waterlilies. Then, not only will you be crying and telling everyone how much you love Monet and his cataracts, you'll be stumbling and quite possibly barfing as well, which is always fun.
Especially in public.
At least in hindsight.
Then, of course, you should stumble your intoxicated ass on over to the Arc de Triomphe. Just forget about taking the tunnels under the streets to get to it, I say just run as fast as you can across the six lanes of other speeding drunks and yes, you'll probably get hit by a car or two, but you'll be drunk. So, that means you'll be limber and won't get hurt. With a little luck, you'll most likely land right where you wanted to go in the first place. Just wear black so the blood doesn't show.
And then, there is Monsieur President Sarkozy.
Ohhh la la... Monsieur Sarkozy... So cozy... Mon petit fleur... I would ask you if I had the chance, "Who's your Daddy? Huh?"
Or so there's no mistaking what I'm asking and nothing is lost in translation... as though love doesn't cross all language barriers...
"Monsieur So-Cozy, Qui est ton pere? Qui est ton pere?
Ohh... You don't know? Excuse-moi... I mean, Vous ne savez pas?
JE SUIS TON PERE! JE SUIS TON PERE!! OUI? OR NON??
VOUS ETES UN MAUVAIS GARCON ET VA RECEVOIR UNE FESSEE!! MAIS OUI!!"
Oh. Sorry. I just said, "I am your daddy! I am your daddy! Yes? Or no? You are a bad boy and going to receive a spanking. But yes."
Now, I don't care for all the dog shit all over the avenues and rues de Paris.
But, then again, it's all over New York as well. So, it's not particular to the French.
(Source of New York Shitistics)
And even though I don't wear cologne or toilet water, (HA!) Sometimes the French smell a little...
ripe. Sorry, it's true. But, then again, I'd rather smell someone "ripe", than someone doused in perfume and dryer sheets. Yuk.
So, yes... I love the French for many reasons and some not so much
But, I definitely curse the French for making spring water and Evian fashionable...
"Sacre bleu!!"
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Robert Glennon | ||||
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***The Truth About Bottled Water***
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