A Collection Of WTFs For Friday (And The "Lots of Skin Edition")

February 26, 2010 by Kevin Charnas in Gold Lame Slingshots, How To Ride A Panda, Lots of Naked People, Naked Cowboy, Naked Tennis, Shakira, Tattooed Grandma, Three-Way With A Spaceman, What To Do With Proble..., WTF?

Let's just get right to it, shall we?

While you were at it, it would've been great if you would've had them tattoo clothes on you. No, I mean it. Like really great. Like really, really great. And I really, really mean it.

YYEEE-HHAAWW!! Bish, you're covering that horse's eyes. He totally can't see where he's going. You two are going to jackknife any minute.

Ah.... yeah. There's nothing like an actual banana in a gold lame banana hammock. Dude. And if you're looking for your car key, I'm pretty sure it's in your belly button.

And what the hell? Do you not normally make it in time? This saves time if you're prairie-doggin' it? And I hope you only sit on your towel.

I don't really know what "DIRTY" is all about... The car? The armpits? Or the bellies... Dunno. All I know is this photo is so creative, it should've won some kind of award. And of course, I'm SO curious as to what they're all pointing at. Maybe it's a giant, flying, sweaty, fur-covered Middle Eastern belly... Their Mothership. Oh, the luck some people have.

Dude! Oh my god, I didn't think you were going to make that last curve.

Umm... Are they giant mites? Or something? And... Are they mugging the guy in the spacesuit? Or molesting him? Like... tickling his hole and nibbling his nipple while the other one holds him back? OR is the one on the left, using it as an opportunity to touch the other mite? Either way, sign me up. Sand mites do it better.

What the fuck are you doing? Let me guess, you were high and thought this would be a good idea. I know that tune, sister. Been there, done that, and burned those photos. You should've done the same.

Holy crap, Shakira... I say FIRE whoever does your hair. It's a wreck.

And what the fuck are YOU doing?? You REALLY don't like your neighbor, huh? You should've been wearing a gold lame slingshot like your friend upstairs. It would've saved you time. And who are those guys helping you? And is the one on the phone looking at your vagina giving a play-by-play? AND WHY ARE THEY WEARING TEAL??

*** A Collection Of WTFs For Wednesday...
*** A Collection Of WTFs For Wednesday... #2
*** A Collection Of WTFs For Thursday...
*** A Collection Of WTFs For Thursday... #2

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A Collection Of WTFs For Thursday... #2

February 11, 2010 by Kevin Charnas in Asian Baby Eating Seals, Bobby Socks, Giant Caterpillars, Shakira and J- Lo, Washing The Cat, WTF?

So, if your terrible hair color, hideous make-up and slutty swimsuit didn't clue us in that you were an asshole, you're showering with the cat. YOU TOOK THE CAT IN THE SHOWER. And he's obviously not very happy about it. I hope that if he has claws, he does something with your hair... And that swimsuit... And that makeup. But then again, you'll still be you. Just with scratch marks.

Wow. Asian dads can look so different in photos. Do seals like Asian babies for lunch or something? God, Mr. Seal, get ahold of yourself. You're about to drip slobber on that kid's head.

But I bet if that seal put a little foundation on, some bling, a do-rag and a fedora,

he'd be all set. He'd be pimp of the local rookery. (I think I preferred him when he was going to eat the Asian baby.)

Now, speaking of "all set",

I think the white bobby socks makes it. They always do. When in doubt, add bobby socks.

Dude, that'd would be ICE that you're diving into. And all the tutus in the world isn't going to change that. I wonder how that worked out for you...

No one wants to see "Jazz Hands" on their dad.

Holy crap. First of all, that's the biggest fucking caterpillar I've ever seen. And I don't trust insects or bugs that can actually stare at me or blink. Or have a nose bigger than I do.

Umm... Yeah. So... Are you Polish and particular to polkas? Or are you Marilyn Manson? Which is it? You can't have both. But then again, who am I to limit your self-actualization?

Shakira and J. Lo before photo shop.

You know what? People don't want gays to adopt, but it's just fine that we have fuckheads like this pose in an empty BATH TUB with a pink pellet gun, or whatever the F that is, (as though pink makes a difference - it's still a gun, bish), your offspring and another giant caterpillar with a huge nose. WHAT IS IT with these giant caterpillars? Did they come up from Mexico or something? And another thing, those oval mirrors are RIDICULOUS. Let me guess, WalMart. God, just bad taste all around. If only I could rescue that baby and jumbo caterpillar from a life with trash.

So, if giant caterpillars got busy on our danger zones,

I'd be cool with that. But, no teeth, Chewbacca, no teeth! Okay, maybe just a little bit... But, no biting! Alright, alright, maybe a teensy bit, BUT THAT'S IT!

*** A Collection Of WTFs For Wednesday...
*** A Collection Of WTFs For Wednesday... #2
*** A Collection Of WTFs For Thursday...

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A Collection Of WTFs For Wednesday... #2

February 03, 2010 by Kevin Charnas in Asian Man Eats People, Giant Dildos, I'm Pretty Sure I'm Crazy, Ninja Bish, Rescuing Blow-up Dolls, Tongues, Trolls Getting High, Wet Spots, WTF?

Let me guess, Mr. Potter... Your wand fell in Ron's lap. How convenient... So, one more guess... "He Who Must Not Be Named" is getting bigger and difficult to control, isn't he? I KNEW IT!!!

Tastes like chicken.

Seriously. Those are my sentiments exactly.

"UUUuuhhhhh...!" Dude... Nice tongue. And how about the woman in the path of that ball? She's either planning to bite it, or lose some teeth.

I don't know either, okay? All I know is that if I were a troll, I'd be all "GIVE ME THAT FUCKING BONG RIGHT NOW!". And I'd be getting high 24/7.

Holy shit. Is someone planning on cutting the world in half and didn't tell me? (And sometimes I have trouble building a fire...)

Well, you know what? Never fear! I know JUST what "Super Friend" to call to battle Dr. Evil's "Giant Ass Saw Thing"!

That's RIGHT!

"Horned-Kneecap-Ring-Tits-Giant-Ass-Saw-Thing-Dildo-Strap-On-Ninja-Bish-With-A-Rat-Tail" to the rescue!! You thought of her too, didn't you? Don't lie... See? You can always count on her. (Who... the fuck... is SHE?? Like... Wonder Woman's porno, crab-infested, Asian, ninja-sister? She seriously scares me. Like, I mean it.)

Well, while we're on the subject,

That's it, Kirk. Hit him over the head with a giant rock dildo. OR were you? Were you... you know... having a "party" and no one else was invited? Dude.

After the last two pics, is there any wonder why there was a drastic increase in fisting? (While "ass to mouth" has actually decreased. Nice.) But seriously, what the hell happened in January 2006 that anal fisting went through... umm... the roof?

And I'm scared again. Somebody... Hold me. Damn, I bet Dildo-Ninja-Bish up there would have that thing for lunch. Like, she'd be all, "WWAAAA!!! SHAAZZAMM!!" And it'd be in the toaster. Or her butt.

Thank god he saved her.

And.... KICK!

And stretch... and hold... 2... 3...

And... PISS!

Smooth move, asshole. Umm... I believe that would be thumbs down...

*** A Collection Of WTFs For Wednesday...
*** A Collection Of WTFs For Thursday...

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A Collection Of WTFs For Thursday...

January 14, 2010 by Kevin Charnas in Baby Jesus, Chickens And Prom Dresses, Completely Messed Up P..., Darth Vader Likes Boobs, Family Portraits, Mickie and Minnie, Scarlett O'Hara, School Pictures, Tiger Print Thongs, WTF?

Either Darth Vader has gotten very short and turned cloudy blue, or there really ARE Amazon women 20 feet tall. Either way, I'm kind of thinking that once Darth takes his cloudy blue light-saber out, there's gonna be laughter. Oh, now that I look closer, I think he already has it out. Maybe that's why she's lying down... She fell over laughing? Or maybe that's his toothbrush? To brush his... grill? You know, where his teeth should be?

I... umm... I just... I don't even know what to say. Mickie and Minnie sure are perky? And what? Are they too silly for Darth? Why isn't he over here? Or maybe... MAYBE... he's out of the picture. You know... down there... by their "putty tat".

I'm having trouble trying to determine which one of them is smarter... Although, I feel kind of mean saying that. Just look at her! She is so fucking happy that Cabbage Patch Kid is with her she's practically farting sprinkles. And really, shouldn't we all do exactly what makes us so damn happy we fart sprinkles?

I'm having trouble trying to determine which one of them is dumber... (WHO'S IDEA WAS IT TO TAKE A "FAMILY PORTRAIT" IN THEIR UNDERWEAR??? You KNOW that all the really "fit" ones were like, "Oh sure. That's fine." And the guy on the far left? He's like 3 of them put together... Either he's a perv and was all, "HELL, YEAH!! I FINALLY GET TO SEE MA IN HER PANTIES!" Or, he was like, "Jesus Christ... Are you guys kidding me? And I had to wear the skimpy ones today and I just ate three turkeys.")

This is what happens in a mob mentality. No one says, "NO".

And here, all this time, I had NO IDEA that Baby Jesus was a Boston Terrier. Did you guys know this? I feel so misled.

I'm not sure which is worse, the kid with the tee-shirt that says, "I LOVE BALLS" on it? (I know, I know, it probably says, I LOVE BALI on it, just humor me, will you?) Or the Lobster with the white gullet that gave birth to him? Bish, there's a thing called sunscreen.

How funny is the look on that kid's face all in awe of that tampon? And his brother is just as hysterical... ESPECIALLY because he's all nonchalant in his lion costume with one on each finger. Doesn't everyone wear that on Thursdays?

The Hatfield triplets. Okay, again I'm stumped. They're pretty enough. They LOOK like they should all have their teeth. Although, maybe that's why they're not smiling... But, what the fuck is with the CHICKENS??? Their dates? There's so much I don't understand... So much to still learn...