HERCULANEUM

Either Darth Vader has gotten very short and turned cloudy blue, or there really ARE Amazon women 20 feet tall. Either way, I'm kind of thinking that once Darth takes his cloudy blue light-saber out, there's gonna be laughter. Oh, now that I look closer, I think he already has it out. Maybe that's why she's lying down... She fell over laughing? Or maybe that's his toothbrush? To brush his... grill? You know, where his teeth should be?

I... umm... I just... I don't even know what to say. Mickie and Minnie sure are perky? And what? Are they too silly for Darth? Why isn't he over here? Or maybe... MAYBE... he's out of the picture. You know... down there... by their "putty tat".

I'm having trouble trying to determine which one of them is smarter... Although, I feel kind of mean saying that. Just look at her! She is so fucking happy that Cabbage Patch Kid is with her she's practically farting sprinkles. And really, shouldn't we all do exactly what makes us so damn happy we fart sprinkles?

I'm having trouble trying to determine which one of them is dumber... (WHO'S IDEA WAS IT TO TAKE A "FAMILY PORTRAIT" IN THEIR UNDERWEAR??? You KNOW that all the really "fit" ones were like, "Oh sure. That's fine." And the guy on the far left? He's like 3 of them put together... Either he's a perv and was all, "HELL, YEAH!! I FINALLY GET TO SEE MA IN HER PANTIES!" Or, he was like, "Jesus Christ... Are you guys kidding me? And I had to wear the skimpy ones today and I just ate three turkeys.")

This is what happens in a mob mentality. No one says, "NO".

And here, all this time, I had NO IDEA that Baby Jesus was a Boston Terrier. Did you guys know this? I feel so misled.

I'm not sure which is worse, the kid with the tee-shirt that says, "I LOVE BALLS" on it? (I know, I know, it probably says, I LOVE BALI on it, just humor me, will you?) Or the Lobster with the white gullet that gave birth to him? Bish, there's a thing called sunscreen.

How funny is the look on that kid's face all in awe of that tampon? And his brother is just as hysterical... ESPECIALLY because he's all nonchalant in his lion costume with one on each finger. Doesn't everyone wear that on Thursdays?

The Hatfield triplets. Okay, again I'm stumped. They're pretty enough. They LOOK like they should all have their teeth. Although, maybe that's why they're not smiling... But, what the fuck is with the CHICKENS??? Their dates? There's so much I don't understand... So much to still learn...