A Collection Of WTFs For Thursday...

Either Darth Vader has gotten very short and turned cloudy blue, or there really ARE Amazon women 20 feet tall. Either way, I'm kind of thinking that once Darth takes his cloudy blue light-saber out, there's gonna be laughter. Oh, now that I look closer, I think he already has it out. Maybe that's why she's lying down... She fell over laughing? Or maybe that's his toothbrush? To brush his... grill? You know, where his teeth should be?

I... umm... I just... I don't even know what to say. Mickie and Minnie sure are perky? And what? Are they too silly for Darth? Why isn't he over here? Or maybe... MAYBE... he's out of the picture. You know... down there... by their "putty tat".

I'm having trouble trying to determine which one of them is smarter... Although, I feel kind of mean saying that. Just look at her! She is so fucking happy that Cabbage Patch Kid is with her she's practically farting sprinkles. And really, shouldn't we all do exactly what makes us so damn happy we fart sprinkles?

I'm having trouble trying to determine which one of them is dumber... (WHO'S IDEA WAS IT TO TAKE A "FAMILY PORTRAIT" IN THEIR UNDERWEAR??? You KNOW that all the really "fit" ones were like, "Oh sure. That's fine." And the guy on the far left? He's like 3 of them put together... Either he's a perv and was all, "HELL, YEAH!! I FINALLY GET TO SEE MA IN HER PANTIES!" Or, he was like, "Jesus Christ... Are you guys kidding me? And I had to wear the skimpy ones today and I just ate three turkeys.")

This is what happens in a mob mentality. No one says, "NO".

And here, all this time, I had NO IDEA that Baby Jesus was a Boston Terrier. Did you guys know this? I feel so misled.

I'm not sure which is worse, the kid with the tee-shirt that says, "I LOVE BALLS" on it? (I know, I know, it probably says, I LOVE BALI on it, just humor me, will you?) Or the Lobster with the white gullet that gave birth to him? Bish, there's a thing called sunscreen.

How funny is the look on that kid's face all in awe of that tampon? And his brother is just as hysterical... ESPECIALLY because he's all nonchalant in his lion costume with one on each finger. Doesn't everyone wear that on Thursdays?

The Hatfield triplets. Okay, again I'm stumped. They're pretty enough. They LOOK like they should all have their teeth. Although, maybe that's why they're not smiling... But, what the fuck is with the CHICKENS??? Their dates? There's so much I don't understand... So much to still learn...

Oh Christ... Scarlett O'Hara in slacks. That's probably the first time she's had her legs crossed in the last four years.

Dude... Why not just pull the sides of that slingshot up to your nipples?

I feel so sheltered and boring.

*** A Collection Of WTF's For Wednesday

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A Collection Of WTFs For Wednesday...

You may have seen some of these disturbing pics floating around before, but I felt a great need to post them today.

Too much news lately has been jarring my brain loose and I just feel like laughing.

So, without further adieu, I bring you these bewildering, sometimes eye-popping, sometimes just plain ole guffawing pics via our goddess correspondent in Santa Barbara, Diana. Thanks, Diana! I love them... And I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of commenting on each one.

Okay, the kid obviously is a total rock star. But, the guy in the background? Is he pulling his pants UP or DOWN? AND WHY RIGHT THERE???

This is fucked. This is a kid's toy. On the package, the kid is hugging Superman... Or Supermouth. Actually, I think he's playing with his nipples... And the package also says, "Stuff > Hug > Play". You know what? All of a sudden, I want one.

I'm not sure which is worse, Grandma holding the machine gun, Grandma POINTING the machine gun at the cameraman, Grandma's paddle of a left foot, Grandma's haircut, or the freak next to her WITH HIS SHIRT OFF and his hair in a bun... Why do hillbillies ALWAYS HAVE THEIR SHIRTS OFF??? I JUST DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND.

Okay... Yeah. I don't know. Is it that top kid with the guitar all grown up? And his Dad constantly pulling his pants up and down at family parties that made him collect all these guns? I really don't know what to say, except I am SO turned on right now.

Again... I don't know. The dandelions against the green, green grass and the cherry blossoms are lovely. Just lovely. And then, after that, nature just goes awry. Like the shirt and the peg-leg aren't bad enough ("I'm just in it for the parking"). We are left to deal with a pink plush leg warmer?? Or a pink furry Ugg boot? I'm guessing? That's all traumatic enough, but then you've got to put the horse in the ground... Thanks for the TOTAL MIND-FUCK.

"Jesus Christ... Martha Mae, look at yer display! It's too late fer ye! And don't be goin and doin this kind of sheit! Yer minds all twisty-topsy-curvy! And I don't care if yer preggers... YOU'RE FIRED!!... Now, get!... ... Hey Martha Mae, we still on fer Saturday night? Ah, good. I'll pick ya up at 7 in the parking lot of the Piggly-Wiggly. And I better be bringin one of them there condams. I don't wanna be gettin' ye preggers when ya already is."

Thank you. I know that I CAN shave the baby, I just choose not to.

"Just look at her, Randy... She's lost it. Since she got fired, it's like Martha Mae has to wash Walmart right off her body. I hate to say anything, but when she gone and done get that beer belly?"

Unfortunately, it's Saturday night at 7:10 pm in the parking lot at the Piggly-Wiggly.

Fancy. I'm wasting not another minute more and I'm cutting my boobs out of every shirt I own.

And my favorite. Because a grandma barfing does it for me EVERY TIME. (I just noticed... She has A BUCKET BETWEEN HER LEGS. I... can't... breathe...)

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