HERCULANEUM

So, if your terrible hair color, hideous make-up and slutty swimsuit didn't clue us in that you were an asshole, you're showering with the cat. YOU TOOK THE CAT IN THE SHOWER. And he's obviously not very happy about it. I hope that if he has claws, he does something with your hair... And that swimsuit... And that makeup. But then again, you'll still be you. Just with scratch marks.

Wow. Asian dads can look so different in photos. Do seals like Asian babies for lunch or something? God, Mr. Seal, get ahold of yourself. You're about to drip slobber on that kid's head.

But I bet if that seal put a little foundation on, some bling, a do-rag and a fedora,

he'd be all set. He'd be pimp of the local rookery. (I think I preferred him when he was going to eat the Asian baby.)

Now, speaking of "all set",

I think the white bobby socks makes it. They always do. When in doubt, add bobby socks.

Dude, that'd would be ICE that you're diving into. And all the tutus in the world isn't going to change that. I wonder how that worked out for you...

No one wants to see "Jazz Hands" on their dad.

Holy crap. First of all, that's the biggest fucking caterpillar I've ever seen. And I don't trust insects or bugs that can actually stare at me or blink. Or have a nose bigger than I do.

Umm... Yeah. So... Are you Polish and particular to polkas? Or are you Marilyn Manson? Which is it? You can't have both. But then again, who am I to limit your self-actualization?

Shakira and J. Lo before photo shop.

You know what? People don't want gays to adopt, but it's just fine that we have fuckheads like this pose in an empty BATH TUB with a pink pellet gun, or whatever the F that is, (as though pink makes a difference - it's still a gun, bish), your offspring and another giant caterpillar with a huge nose. WHAT IS IT with these giant caterpillars? Did they come up from Mexico or something? And another thing, those oval mirrors are RIDICULOUS. Let me guess, WalMart. God, just bad taste all around. If only I could rescue that baby and jumbo caterpillar from a life with trash.

So, if giant caterpillars got busy on our danger zones,

I'd be cool with that. But, no teeth, Chewbacca, no teeth! Okay, maybe just a little bit... But, no biting! Alright, alright, maybe a teensy bit, BUT THAT'S IT!

*** A Collection Of WTFs For Wednesday...
*** A Collection Of WTFs For Wednesday... #2
*** A Collection Of WTFs For Thursday...

********************************