Where My Head's Been...

Oh my god... Since May fucking 1st, I thought I could no longer post on this specific blog. I've been in the process of renovating the website to something a little... different (which will be revealed in the next few weeks), and in the meantime, when I started trying to learn how to "migrate" this website from blogger to someplace else, my brain started backfiring. ("Blogger" had instructed me that I needed to "migrate" the blog because of some "FTP" publishing blah, blah, bullshit. They can put that "FTP" right in their HOLE.)

SO, last night over beers with my best bud Dor who came to see the show, (after we actually received a standing ovation - I almost dropped where I stood and started sobbing - THANK YOU people who stood. And for those of who didn't, I'll find you.) I was explaining to her how frustrating it's been because I'm paralyzed with my blog until I "migrate" it elsewhere (per "Blogger's" instructions). And she said, "Well, have you tried just writing a brand new post?"

And I just looked at her as my brain started backfiring again and then I just stared and exclaimed, "No. GOD DAMN IT!!!"

So, I've removed my head from my ass and I'm back.

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February Swimming Hole #2

Members of a local ice swimming club head for the water to swim in the Yenisey river in the Siberian city of Krasnoyars. [Picture: REUTERS]

I'm building up my courage, bishes. I'm actually thinking of getting in our pond by the end of February... But, I'm wondering if it will give me a heart attack or not. So... I dunno. But, if I do. I'll take pictures. Well... someone else will take pictures. I'll be the one in the bikini screaming my head off.

* February Swimming Hole #1
* January Swimming Hole #1
* January Swimming Hole #2
* January Swimming Hole #3
* January Swimming Hole #4

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A Collection Of WTFs For Wednesday... #2

Let me guess, Mr. Potter... Your wand fell in Ron's lap. How convenient... So, one more guess... "He Who Must Not Be Named" is getting bigger and difficult to control, isn't he? I KNEW IT!!!

Tastes like chicken.

Seriously. Those are my sentiments exactly.

"UUUuuhhhhh...!" Dude... Nice tongue. And how about the woman in the path of that ball? She's either planning to bite it, or lose some teeth.

I don't know either, okay? All I know is that if I were a troll, I'd be all "GIVE ME THAT FUCKING BONG RIGHT NOW!". And I'd be getting high 24/7.

Holy shit. Is someone planning on cutting the world in half and didn't tell me? (And sometimes I have trouble building a fire...)

Well, you know what? Never fear! I know JUST what "Super Friend" to call to battle Dr. Evil's "Giant Ass Saw Thing"!

That's RIGHT!

"Horned-Kneecap-Ring-Tits-Giant-Ass-Saw-Thing-Dildo-Strap-On-Ninja-Bish-With-A-Rat-Tail" to the rescue!! You thought of her too, didn't you? Don't lie... See? You can always count on her. (Who... the fuck... is SHE?? Like... Wonder Woman's porno, crab-infested, Asian, ninja-sister? She seriously scares me. Like, I mean it.)

Well, while we're on the subject,

That's it, Kirk. Hit him over the head with a giant rock dildo. OR were you? Were you... you know... having a "party" and no one else was invited? Dude.

After the last two pics, is there any wonder why there was a drastic increase in fisting? (While "ass to mouth" has actually decreased. Nice.) But seriously, what the hell happened in January 2006 that anal fisting went through... umm... the roof?

And I'm scared again. Somebody... Hold me. Damn, I bet Dildo-Ninja-Bish up there would have that thing for lunch. Like, she'd be all, "WWAAAA!!! SHAAZZAMM!!" And it'd be in the toaster. Or her butt.

Thank god he saved her.

And.... KICK!

And stretch... and hold... 2... 3...

And... PISS!

Smooth move, asshole. Umm... I believe that would be thumbs down...

*** A Collection Of WTFs For Wednesday...
*** A Collection Of WTFs For Thursday...

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First "Sasha Fierce"... Now, "Lola". Beyonce and J. Lo BE GETTIN' ON MY NERVES, Y'ALL!!!

Okay, first it was Sasha Fierce.

Beyonce tried to stop her.

Beyonce grabbed "Sasha Fierce" by her hair (unfortunately, also her own... or at least her own weave) and was all, "Girl, I am BEYONCE. Sasha Fierce be stoopid and you need to recognize."

Well, I don't have to tell you that this just pissed Miss Fierce RIGHT OFF. It obviously sparked a heated debate.

And the two began arguing as witnessed here.

Beyonce was all, "NO, SASHA FIERCE!! I'M BEYONCE! YOU STOOPID!"

And Sasha Fierce was all, "GGIIRRLL, YOU SO DEAD IT AIN'T EVEN FUNNY!! BRING IT!!"

And that's when things REALLY got ugly.

And Sasha Fierce threw Beyonce's ass down the stairs.

Again... unfortunately herself as well.

And Beyonce went head-over-keister landing on her melon with her crack waving in the air like she just didn't care.

And who arose from the heap of flesh victorious? Well, the rest is history. But, just in case you missed it... May I introduce,

Miss Sasha Fierce. (It's allll about SACRIFICE, PEOPLE.)

The problem with all of this?

I thought I WAS

SASHA FIERCE.

But, no.

NO.

BEYONCE ROBBED ME.

So, I got over that.

Not really. But, I continued on...

And then, as if ALL OF THAT WASN'T TRAUMATIC ENOUGH FOR ME...

J. Lo changes her name to Lola.

Now, WHY this picture came up when I was searching for images of Jennifer Lopez is beside me. I don't think she ever toyed with the idea of changing her name to "Marmoset Tapa". I mean, maybe... But, I kind of doubt it.

So apparently, "Lola" has been trying to get out under from J. Lo's skirt

for quite some time...

And Lola has been all,

"J. Lo, stick a fork in you, girl. You done."

And J. Lo was all, "GIIRRLLL, I'M GONNA BLOW YOU AWAY WITH MY FARTS!! DANG!!!"

Bbbrrrrttttttt....

And Lola was all,

"Wooo... thanks for the highlights, baby."

Well, I don't have to tell you that this just PISSED J. LO OFF EVEN MORE!!! And she was all, "WONDER TWINS' POWER, ACTIVATE!! FORM OF A GIANT FART/WIND STORM!!!

BBBRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

And Lola being the new badass she is was all...

"Ooohhh... Baby, that was like a cool refreshing breeze blowing those nasty tired highlights and split ends away! Thanks, Grandma!"

So, may I introduce, in pink ruffles no less...

"Lola"

And again...

The whole problem with this???

I thought I WAS

LOLA!!???

But, no.

NO.

NNNOOOOO!!!

I'VE BEEN FOILED AGAIN.

AND IT'S COMPLETE BULLSHIT.

I'm tired of it.

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*** Original Post Where "Sasha Fierce" photo appeared: The Evolution of My Halloween Costume; Post #4

*** Original Post Where "Lola" photo appeared: We're Both Greek

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