HERCULANEUM

So, our dashing correspondent in D.C., Dickie, was lovely enough to contribute this video (which actually happens to be for real) for our viewing pleasure before we're all tortured and killed, then suffer in hell for all time.

At least we'll all be together.

So, yes... I think it's a bit on the kookie side, but that's just me. As usual, what steals the show for me are some of the comments. We probably don't have much time, so shall we get started? Good... I was hoping you'd say that.

Well, Jamess1b said, "Shouldn't you be volunteering to euthanize their pets instead? Those of us left are supposed to be tortured for the next 6 months, then off to hell."

Oh, Mr. 1b, VERY good point. It crossed my mind, but you said it. And is it 6 months? Shit. I totally thought it was three...

And Weasel77111 inquired, "What piece is that playing in the background?"

Oh, Weasel... I LOVE IT that you're not concerned about anything but the music.

And SisterDiggins said, "But why would anyone leave their pets entrusted to non believers?"

Well, Sister... Miss Diggins if you're nasty, WHO ELSE are they going to leave them to? Huh? Yeah... That's what I thought.

And BiancaBeth said, "I try to respect other's religious views but this one is insane, IMHO." (Wow. Okay, Bianca, good so far...) "God is good, remember." (Damn it... She was so close. So, she continues...) "All of you who EXPECT to be 'taken away', find a friend/relative who is NOT invited & ask them to care for your pets. Don't pay these scammer companies. I feel certain your pets - and you - will be back together next week. PLEASE don't kill your beloved pets to 'save them' from your absence. You will grieve for the loss."

Oh Jesus Christ, Bianca... I had hopes for you.

Okay, now Violetta gives me hope again, "This is a SCAM! The'll take your money N run. Anybody would be foolish to believe this." (Cool so far... But then,...) "GOD created the animals as well as humans; He has a master plan for everything, and nothing anyone tries to do will stop him. The time to believe is now. Wake up before it's too late."

Damn it, Violetta. No one is going to stop him, huh? I mean, we can't even try talking with him?? He's just beyond reason, huh? Okay... Well, what if I try distracting him. Like, I'll be wearing something skimpy, so I can keep dropping my pencil and doing the bend and snap to pick it up and while he's looking at my ass you can... clobber him or trip him or something... I just don't think we should give up without a fight.

MJ Morrey gets jiggy with it, "ahahahahahahahah i love it!"

p0nch0man said, "Ima sell all your pets to the highest Chinese Food Restaurant bidder!"

That's just mean, p0nch0. Why would you stress them out right before they had to go up in the air like that? They're probably already nervous about flying and then you have to go and say that...?

And nark123123 inquired, "what about the pet gerbil in my anus wont he be raptured up with me?"

Look, Mr. 123123 (or is one of the "123's" your middle name?), I'm guessing you're going to have to fart him out on the way up.

Cinnamombunz tried to reason with these people, "No, this is a kind of 'Rapture - leave your responsibilities to somebody else and hope they follow through for free out of the goodness of their hearts'. It certainly is not 'insurance'. If you really believed in this, I would think you'd make sure your pet was with the person who was going to take care of it BEFORE you leave. Waiting until you go seems like hedging your bets to me . . ."

I LOVE IT when morons try a "logical" approach. Stick to pastries, Ms. Bunz.

And makezmuzic said, "I hope you're making sure not to eat. They just found a lost scripture that says you must have a completely empty stomach to be taken up. Just in case the days are off, you should probably stop eating now."

And daughterofzion7 replied to makezmuzic, "I don't know what your talking about there is no rapture may 21st Its false doctrince and false teaching so why would i stop eating? It dosent say that in the bible either that you have to stop eating to be a christian or to have god rescue you in any way. It's all lies I suggest you stop listening to the lies."

YEAH, MAKEZMUZIC, YEAH! The food thing is COMPLETELY false doctrine! You tell her, Daughterofzion. And by the way, is Zion your dad? Like THE "Zion"?? Totally cool guy. I knew him back in the day.

Squishy34 confessed, "I think I just peed a little laughing."

Don't worry, Squishy, the fire will dry that.

TheParam3dic said, "Fucking, horseshit. The bible also says unbaptized babies go to hell."

Well, 3dic, I for one can tell you that the last time I was in hell, there were babies all over the place. And they were ASSHOLES. SO MEAN. Have you ever seen a really mean baby on fire??? Trust me... You don't want to. They will fuck your shit up.

annabelle2ful said, "I believe in Christ and the bible, but have no faith in tomorrow's prediction of Judgement Day. My cat isn't going anywhere and neither am I. No man knows the day or the hour. What confuses me are all the ridiculing parties and celebrations that are planned this weekend. What's up with that? I thought atheists were moral and ethical people."

Okay, look, Annabelle2ful, first of all, don't eat so much. If you have "2ful" as your last name, that's a bad sign, because there's something going around about an empty stomach. Just to be on the safe side, you know? And second of all, the "ridiculing parties and celebrations" planned are what's CONFUSING YOU? Besides that monster to tackle, aren't people allowed to laugh anymore? I mean, if the rest of us are going to be tortured, killed and burn forever, can we not at least laugh a little before hand? Where's the love, Annabelle? And when did it become immoral and unethical to make fun of tards anyway? Oh. That's right. Shit... I forgot about that memo. Sorry. WELL, these "ridiculing parties and celebrations"? WHY WASN'T I INVITED??? Heellloooo... Thanks a lot, bishes. I'm actually a lot of fun at parties. I hardly EVER throw up and rarely, rarely break anything.

And POOONA said, "LMFAO...... I am sad i didnt come up with this idea first!! Its full proof cos there are no refunds either way!!! because if (a) the rapture occurs on saturday well they get to keep the money anyways (b) if it doesnt occur... well they have a no refund policy because the rapture will happen somewhere in the future!! :)

Genius"

Yes, "Pooona", completely "genius". Yes, that's what first came to my mind too. Just beyond brilliant. I mean, Einstein couldn't have done better. And by the way, it's FOOLproof.

And Moxormog was beyond rebellious and said, "lol fuck god"

That's really sweet, Moxor.

And avrlj28 was just wise and to the point, "This is a very sad day for the people who actually believe this rubbish. Yes the Lord will come and take his people but not until the signs have been completed as fortold in Revelation. I can bet you all your money that you have accumulated from poor ingorant people that there will be no rapture this saturday at all and that this is a major big Hoax!! (all proceeds will go to wwf) Noone knows when the Lord will come to collect his people and not even his son Jesus."

Yeah, you guys... Jesus doesn't even know!

But drrylinflyn said, "Fortunately my pets will be fine since I'm an atheist."

Yeah, but Drryl, I'm pretty sure you're going to be tortured then you're going to hell.

And Smurfieboo said, "Wait, won't the caretakers be too busy killing eachother and burning in huge lakes of fire to worry about your pets?"

EXACTLY, Smurfieboo! Mr. 1b said basically the same thing. Our points exactly.

Defeaterofgames, "LMAOOOO Bible is Stupid and so is this Suck my devil cock."

Umm... Defeater? I think we can all agree that you're going to have a great seat in you know where.

Lilvoodoo asked, "I heard you can bring a pet to heaven like bring a child to work day. any one confirmed this yet?"

Not yet, Lilvoodoo. I called and left a message, but haven't heard back yet. If I were you, it's easier to ask for forgiveness, than to ask for permission. So, just bring 'em.

And goregrrrl said, "OMG. I love how the skeptical Christians are separating themselves from the "crazies". You believe in the rapture too, you're just not predicting the date, dumbfucks. This is how crazy all of you are, you're exactly this nutty, look in the mirror."

And MsEdotscott asked quite seriously, "Is this a joke?"

No, MsEdotscott, it's not. Repent and buy the insurance RIGHT FUCKING NOW, bish.

And Duurrggll said, "The fact that people still believe in nonsensical cults like Christianity, Judaism, the easter bunny, tells us that mankind still has a long way to go..."

OMG. That reminds me. The poor Easter Bunny! He's fucked! All that work and this is the thanks he gets. I'm starting to think that god just wants "yes" people around...

And nark123123 was completely irritated at being ignored and said, "no one has answered my anus gerbil related question. this is serious business, people."

And ClassAFridge said, "I'm very sad these people are morons... And applause the people at rapture pet care taking advantage of them! Good job guys! We both know the whole "may21-judgement day" is bull!!!!"

Aahh, Mr. Fridge, but do we?

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So, this Summer, I haven't been following news as much as I probably should. Although, I believe in taking "news-fasts" every so often. I think too much of it is bad for the spirit, so I strongly encourage moderation in all things, including news. When I first heard about the "mosque" in New York and everyone's panties were either all twisted up or blowing off, I thought that a muslim group was attempting to build a mosque ON ground zero. And I thought wow, that site's going to be a war zone forever.

But, when I realized that the proposed mosque is going to be TWO BLOCKS AWAY? IS EVERYONE FUCKING CRAZY???

HAS EVERYONE LOST THEIR FUCKING MARBLES???

What. The. Fuck.

Do people KNOW how big a city block is in New York?

And Timothy McVeigh, the spineless piece of shit who blew up the Oklahoma City Federal Building... He was a fundamentalist "Christian". Did he represent all Christians? Would people object to a church being built nearby?

This is ludicrous. The degradation of the American intellect. I'm not even sure if it's a "degradation", or rather an assault.

It's two blocks away.

It's TWO blocks away.

I understand a raised eyebrow maybe... MAYBE. Or a reflective pause until you have more information. A gut reaction, if you will. But I also hope that what we stand for as Americans moves us beyond prejudice and hatred and mass generalizations, which is too easy, too narrow-minded and simple and comes from the age of the knuckle-dragger. That what we stand for as a people evolves and moves us into the realm of tolerance and understanding and compassion, of rising above the dirt and standing strong and secure in our good character.

An excerpt from a commentary in the NY Daily News that I think nails it:

"The killers' ultimate goal was and is hijacking Islam itself. And to do that they need us to make them into more than what they are.

"Without us elevating them into enemy combatants in a war on terror, they would be just a couple of hundred murderous losers."

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Blinded By The Light

What Went Down Upstairs...

Imminent Rupture #3 (The Day of The Aneurysm)

Imminent Rupture #2

Morons Running Amok

Two Blocks North