It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's Dad... (Originally posted June 19, 2011)

in

I don't have the pleasure or the pressure of being a father. Oh, sure, I do to these two awesome sun-bunnies...

Gomez and Wednesday Addams

But, I can't imagine the pressure that's involved in being a guardian, teacher and mentor, a parent to another little human being... Or a large human being for that matter.

And as with any great power, comes great responsibility.

That sounds like a cliche, I know. But, with many cliches, it's true. Said often and true.

And with great responsibility comes great burden.

I know that there are the fantastic and wonderful moments of being a parent. And I often lament that I'm not one, I always thought I'd have children... But, I often contemplate what kind of sleepless nights my brothers, my brother-in-law and friends have had who are fathers.

I also contemplate when in our society did fathers become the butt of jokes.

The bumbling dad... The dad who is apparently out-of-touch and doesn't know anything. It's gone from the 50's where Dad knew everything to celebrating that Dad is an idiot. And more often than not on these shows, it seems, the mom chimes in with the kids and just kind of turns and looks at dad like, you're a jackass, honey...

I don't like it. I don't like our society's weird celebration of the portrayal of the emasculated father.

I don't celebrate a misogynistic and abusive version either, obviously. But, there is a balance. And maybe our culture just hasn't quite found it yet.

I remember when I was sixteen and I wanted to work at "The Hot Dog Shoppe". A bunch of my friends worked there and I wanted to as well. And my Dad wouldn't allow it. He wanted me to concentrate on my studies, school activities and my sports and NOT get a job.

I didn't appreciate how cool that was of him at the time...

I flipped out throwing a temper tantrum in my room and said to my Mother, "I HATE HIM!!"

And my mother stayed cool and just calmly said, "Kev, your father is my best friend. And he's really just doing the best he can... He's doing what he thinks is right."

RRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT!!!!

WHAT?

You would've thought I just got hit upside the head. My ego shrank 15 sizes that day. My mouth dropped and I stood there in shock. I couldn't believe that my parents were "friends",

let alone "BEST" friends. What the hell... (Best friends 57 years and counting...)

It did indeed strike me. And I've never forgotten it...

I'm not going to sit here and say my father was and is perfect.

He's far from it.

But, he's a good man. Sometimes a great man. And sometimes not. But, what he's always done, like I suspect we all do, is he did and does the best he can. Sometimes it's good enough, and sometimes nothing will be good enough. And when I think about it and take a few deep breaths, when I put fears and hopes and disappointments and dreams aside, when I grasp that yes, he's my father, but he's also just a man... And when knowing that in any given moment, he's doing the best he can, well... when I add a little understanding, mixed with a little humility and forgiveness, and maybe even sprinkle some benefit-of-the-doubt on top, he moves beyond dad and father into the realm of Superman. Where every Dad should be.

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It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's Dad...

in

I don't have the pleasure or the pressure of being a father. Oh, sure, I do to these two awesome sun-bunnies...

Gomez and Wednesday Addams

But, I can't imagine the pressure that's involved in being a guardian, teacher and mentor, a parent to another little human being... Or a large human being for that matter.

And as with any great power, comes great responsibility.

That sounds like a cliche, I know. But, with many cliches, it's true. Said often and true.

And with great responsibility comes great burden.

I know that there are the fantastic and wonderful moments of being a parent. And I often lament that I'm not one, I always thought I'd have children... But, I often contemplate what kind of sleepless nights my brothers, my brother-in-law and friends have had who are fathers.

I also contemplate when in our society did fathers become the butt of jokes.

The bumbling dad... The dad who is apparently out-of-touch and doesn't know anything. It's gone from the 50's where Dad knew everything to celebrating that Dad is an idiot. And more often than not on these shows, it seems, the mom chimes in with the kids and just kind of turns and looks at dad like, you're a jackass, honey...

I don't like it. I don't like our society's weird celebration of the portrayal of the emasculated father.

I don't celebrate a misogynistic and abusive version either, obviously. But, there is a balance. And maybe our culture just hasn't quite found it yet.

I remember when I was sixteen and I wanted to work at "The Hot Dog Shoppe". A bunch of my friends worked there and I wanted to as well. And my Dad wouldn't allow it. He wanted me to concentrate on my studies, school activities and my sports and NOT get a job.

I didn't appreciate how cool that was of him at the time...

I flipped out throwing a temper tantrum in my room and said to my Mother, "I HATE HIM!!"

And my mother stayed cool and just calmly said, "Kev, your father is my best friend. And he's really just doing the best he can... He's doing what he thinks is right."

RRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT!!!!

WHAT?

You would've thought I just got hit upside the head. My ego shrank 15 sizes that day. My mouth dropped and I stood there in shock. I couldn't believe that my parents were "friends",

let alone "BEST" friends. What the hell... (Best friends 57 years and counting...)

It did indeed strike me. And I've never forgotten it...

I'm not going to sit here and say my father was and is perfect.

He's far from it.

But, he's a good man. Sometimes a great man. And sometimes not. But, what he's always done, like I suspect we all do, is he did and does the best he can. Sometimes it's good enough, and sometimes nothing will be good enough. And when I think about it and take a few deep breaths, when I put fears and hopes and disappointments and dreams aside, when I grasp that yes, he's my father, but he's also just a man... And when knowing that in any given moment, he's doing the best he can, well... when I add a little understanding, mixed with a little humility and forgiveness, and maybe even sprinkle some benefit-of-the-doubt on top, he moves beyond dad and father into the realm of Superman. Where every Dad should be.

**************************************

Take A Bite Out of Crime (And Lance Briggs is a Total Badass)

in

I refuse to give michael vick the above headline. Michael Vick hopes to own a dog as a pet someday.

I just about went through the roof when I read that...

MORE THAN ENOUGH "forgiveness" has been given to this sick fuck.

And as far as I'm concerned, this,

is what should be on the field with him. But then, like any instant interpretation when one doesn't know the history, it makes the dog look like the vicious one.

So, as usual, comments on the article steal the show.

"Endrun" wrote, "Funniest thing I've heard in a while...To all you Vick supporters, don't forget that Vick not only fought dogs, he killed them with his own hands by hanging, drowning, and bludgeoning them to death if they didn't perform up to his standards. Innocent animals were used as bait to train the fighting dogs. It is well documented in the book "The Lost Dogs" if you care to educated yourself. Yes, he did some prison time, but that doesn't change the fact that he is a depraved person with no empathy. He fits in well in the NFL with the other felons and thugs, and gives me one more reason to hate the Eagles."

And "Lester" said, "This Just In: In a sharing of the love, a spokesman for the dog lobby said that most dogs would love to have Vick as a pet one day as well."

"Busters" wrote, "This jerk should still be in prison,not running around making millions and running his mouth. I agree with with Jane Dollinger, Vick should never be able to get within 50 feet of a Dog unless its a pack of wolves,getting back for their close kin."

And "Kathy" said, "Just a ploy to try to get back his million dollar pay. Just look at the statements. Big dog so he can show how much he cares. Not any dog, a big dog. More than likely a pit bull so he can make up for his inadequate manhood.

"Professional Sports depend on stupid people putting the players on a pedestal so they will pay rediculus prices to go watch thier hero. This man is just trying to get back on his pedestal.

Just another scam."

"Kimmer" got right to the point and said, "You're kidding, right?"

"Charlie Chan" (who I hope isn't putting cats in the Chicken Chow Mein) wrote, "May this man never be able to own a dog. He watched them fight for enjoyment, and killed some of them with his bare hands. Of the 51 dogs rescued from his compound, 47 of them were rehabilitated and found loving homes. Several of them are working therapy dogs. Vick was ordered to pay nearly a million dollars for their lifetime care and rehab. He had to be MADE to do it. His crime wasn't just about breaking the law, it was about horrible cruelty to a living thing. That is an uncorrectable character flaw. No, this man should never own a pet of any kind. Ever."

Now "Me" wrote (and no, it's not me. I mean it IS "Me", but not me-me.) "This monster killed dogs with his bare hands and even said he never would have stopped if he hadn't been arrested. He should still be in prison."

"Ckc" suggested, "Maybe an ant farm but nothing more."

Poor ants... How 'bout we just let him have some gravel?

And "PT" wrote, "I'd like to have Michael Vick as a pet someday...but thanks to Abraham Lincoln I can't."

"Sudden Impac" said, "Vick will say anything that he thinks we want to hear, & act like he has remorse. Who wouldn't to salvage a multi-million dollar career. I don't mean to be judgmental, but I'm not convinced he is sorry for his evil actions against innocent animals. I have friends that have pit-bulls as the family dog & they make great pets."

They do indeed, Mr. Impac.

"Travis" wrote, "That dirty scumbag shouldn't even be allowed to have a ChiaPet....He is a perfect example of why we should bring back hanging, drawing and quartering!!!!"

Okay, now even though we're talking about "vick", Travis had me right up to "Chia Pet". And then, it just kinda went downhill from there...

Now, "Owen" is kinder than most people, "I am totally against what he did. I also believe that our justice system is set up to try to punish criminals and rehabilitate them. The man has done his time in prison. Let him do some time with therapy dogs. They go to old folks homes, hospitals, and things like that. It is a great program and if he is with the same group of dogs again and again he might learn to love them. He should never be allowed to have a "fighting" dog again but there are many breeds and one day in the future he might earn the right to have one in his house. I would have a person go by unannounced once in a while to make sure the dog is in good health and being treated well."

Owen, just for the record, I believe it's not a "right" to have a dog as a companion, it's a privilege. But, I truly respect your compassion and forgiveness... I don't fully agree, but that's my short-coming, not yours.

"Trimmer" wrote, "Vick should be euthanized!"

And "C" wrote, "A stuff toy dog is all he'll ever get."

And "Kix" wrote, "Giving Vick a dog is like giving a molester a child."

And "SpiceGirl" reminded me of "Owen" and was quite kind as well, "You know, l deplore what he did, completely and totally. But this has cost him more than many murderers. It cost him more money than I'll ever see in my life, his reputation, almost his career, and 2 years of his life. Even now, despite the contract he has with the Eagles, he's living on a stipend that isn't much more than what most of us live on in order to fulfill his bankruptcy obligations and costs ($4200 per month per an article I read last week).

"He has gone over and above what anyone has asked in order to do his pennance and move forward, and now is doing the right thing. He deserves the second chance we all get when we screw up.

"I'm not saying we should just forget, but dang. We don't treat murderers this bad and never give them a shot at redemption. Let the thumbs down begin.... cuz I know they're coming from this hateful, unforgiving crowd."

I couldn't help myself, I gave her a "thumbs-down". (Which in Roman times would've gotten her killed. So, at least in our society, it's evolved into just a gesture, rather than a suggestion.) And on a really, really forgiving level, which when it comes to animals and children, I stumble with, she's right. Beyond my current capacity for compassion, but she's right. But, I still gave that bish a "thumbs-down".

"Md" wrote, "This loser should be killed.

"Please die."

And then, "Md" wrote, "This loser should be killed.

"Please die."

"Md"? We heard you the first time.

And then "Alea" wrote, "I hope he does get a dog and that dog turns on him and rips his weener off in shreads!"

She received 14 "thumbs-up" on that one.

But then, "Trimmer" replied, "What weener?"

You guys... It's "wiener". With an "i".

"Tree" wrote, "To the Australian Outback with him! The Dingos ought to know how to handle him..."

"NavyVet" said, "It would be more appropriate for a dog to own him."

Ahhh... Mr. NavyVet, when you truly love something or someone, it usually does.

Well, whatever your opinion is, here at Herculaneum, or kevincharnas.com, this place in which we're residing for the moment, I always hate to leave us feeling... yucky. SO, compliments of "Yanni", we have the below video contribution of a gentleman true to his convictions, Mr. Lance Briggs.

Thank you for this contribution, Yanni! Lance is hot.

And vick is not.

*** If you're looking for an animal companion, please consider adopting and rescuing. There's rescue groups for every breed. And you'll probably find that they rescued you, just as much as you rescued them.

*** Are Pets More Trustworthy Than People? (Like we even need to ask that question?)

*** Therapy Dogs Help Students Relax *************************************

Forgiveness

in

"The greatest evil that can befall man is that he should come to think ill of himself."

~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe (1749-1832)

Forgiveness is a pretty tricky thing. Whether ourselves or someone else deserves it or not is really beside the point. Most of us barely know what we're doing. If we really know at all.

So, I think that when it comes to guilt and forgiveness, instead of being crippled by the former, and overwhelmed by the notion of the later, we should own both. We're disasters and we mess up and we learn. And to avoid it being an even bigger disaster, we MOVE ON.

It's the humility that's important. It's okay to be humble. It's a strength, really. True humility is vastly under-rated. It's being secure enough to be insecure. To say, "I totally fucked up and I'm sorry... I don't know what I was thinking..." Or allowing the other person to be sorry, even if they aren't. Because somewhere deep down, they loathe themselves that they can't be strong enough to be regretful and demonstrate that, and that's true punishment - sometimes too much so. And harboring guilt and resentment is an immense burden. It clenches the heart and anchors the spirit. And it gives an unfortunate situation much more merit than it deserves. And it removes us from place and time, it isolates us and takes us away from this very moment.

And this is all we really have.

So, be kind to yourself. And be kind to others.

Okay, I'm done. I'm shutting my pie-hole.

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