It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's Dad... (Originally posted June 19, 2011)

in

I don't have the pleasure or the pressure of being a father. Oh, sure, I do to these two awesome sun-bunnies...

Gomez and Wednesday Addams

But, I can't imagine the pressure that's involved in being a guardian, teacher and mentor, a parent to another little human being... Or a large human being for that matter.

And as with any great power, comes great responsibility.

That sounds like a cliche, I know. But, with many cliches, it's true. Said often and true.

And with great responsibility comes great burden.

I know that there are the fantastic and wonderful moments of being a parent. And I often lament that I'm not one, I always thought I'd have children... But, I often contemplate what kind of sleepless nights my brothers, my brother-in-law and friends have had who are fathers.

I also contemplate when in our society did fathers become the butt of jokes.

The bumbling dad... The dad who is apparently out-of-touch and doesn't know anything. It's gone from the 50's where Dad knew everything to celebrating that Dad is an idiot. And more often than not on these shows, it seems, the mom chimes in with the kids and just kind of turns and looks at dad like, you're a jackass, honey...

I don't like it. I don't like our society's weird celebration of the portrayal of the emasculated father.

I don't celebrate a misogynistic and abusive version either, obviously. But, there is a balance. And maybe our culture just hasn't quite found it yet.

I remember when I was sixteen and I wanted to work at "The Hot Dog Shoppe". A bunch of my friends worked there and I wanted to as well. And my Dad wouldn't allow it. He wanted me to concentrate on my studies, school activities and my sports and NOT get a job.

I didn't appreciate how cool that was of him at the time...

I flipped out throwing a temper tantrum in my room and said to my Mother, "I HATE HIM!!"

And my mother stayed cool and just calmly said, "Kev, your father is my best friend. And he's really just doing the best he can... He's doing what he thinks is right."

RRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT!!!!

WHAT?

You would've thought I just got hit upside the head. My ego shrank 15 sizes that day. My mouth dropped and I stood there in shock. I couldn't believe that my parents were "friends",

let alone "BEST" friends. What the hell... (Best friends 57 years and counting...)

It did indeed strike me. And I've never forgotten it...

I'm not going to sit here and say my father was and is perfect.

He's far from it.

But, he's a good man. Sometimes a great man. And sometimes not. But, what he's always done, like I suspect we all do, is he did and does the best he can. Sometimes it's good enough, and sometimes nothing will be good enough. And when I think about it and take a few deep breaths, when I put fears and hopes and disappointments and dreams aside, when I grasp that yes, he's my father, but he's also just a man... And when knowing that in any given moment, he's doing the best he can, well... when I add a little understanding, mixed with a little humility and forgiveness, and maybe even sprinkle some benefit-of-the-doubt on top, he moves beyond dad and father into the realm of Superman. Where every Dad should be.

**************************************

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's Dad...

in

I don't have the pleasure or the pressure of being a father. Oh, sure, I do to these two awesome sun-bunnies...

Gomez and Wednesday Addams

But, I can't imagine the pressure that's involved in being a guardian, teacher and mentor, a parent to another little human being... Or a large human being for that matter.

And as with any great power, comes great responsibility.

That sounds like a cliche, I know. But, with many cliches, it's true. Said often and true.

And with great responsibility comes great burden.

I know that there are the fantastic and wonderful moments of being a parent. And I often lament that I'm not one, I always thought I'd have children... But, I often contemplate what kind of sleepless nights my brothers, my brother-in-law and friends have had who are fathers.

I also contemplate when in our society did fathers become the butt of jokes.

The bumbling dad... The dad who is apparently out-of-touch and doesn't know anything. It's gone from the 50's where Dad knew everything to celebrating that Dad is an idiot. And more often than not on these shows, it seems, the mom chimes in with the kids and just kind of turns and looks at dad like, you're a jackass, honey...

I don't like it. I don't like our society's weird celebration of the portrayal of the emasculated father.

I don't celebrate a misogynistic and abusive version either, obviously. But, there is a balance. And maybe our culture just hasn't quite found it yet.

I remember when I was sixteen and I wanted to work at "The Hot Dog Shoppe". A bunch of my friends worked there and I wanted to as well. And my Dad wouldn't allow it. He wanted me to concentrate on my studies, school activities and my sports and NOT get a job.

I didn't appreciate how cool that was of him at the time...

I flipped out throwing a temper tantrum in my room and said to my Mother, "I HATE HIM!!"

And my mother stayed cool and just calmly said, "Kev, your father is my best friend. And he's really just doing the best he can... He's doing what he thinks is right."

RRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT!!!!

WHAT?

You would've thought I just got hit upside the head. My ego shrank 15 sizes that day. My mouth dropped and I stood there in shock. I couldn't believe that my parents were "friends",

let alone "BEST" friends. What the hell... (Best friends 57 years and counting...)

It did indeed strike me. And I've never forgotten it...

I'm not going to sit here and say my father was and is perfect.

He's far from it.

But, he's a good man. Sometimes a great man. And sometimes not. But, what he's always done, like I suspect we all do, is he did and does the best he can. Sometimes it's good enough, and sometimes nothing will be good enough. And when I think about it and take a few deep breaths, when I put fears and hopes and disappointments and dreams aside, when I grasp that yes, he's my father, but he's also just a man... And when knowing that in any given moment, he's doing the best he can, well... when I add a little understanding, mixed with a little humility and forgiveness, and maybe even sprinkle some benefit-of-the-doubt on top, he moves beyond dad and father into the realm of Superman. Where every Dad should be.

**************************************