HERCULANEUM

ABC's "Good Morning Homophobia" Cancels Adam Lambert's Performance

(Please sing the following text to the tune of "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend".)

A Kiss On A Man may just,
GET YOUR ASS CANCELLED,
And GMA can eat my shhiiittttt...

A kiss may be grand
But it won't keep you scheduled
On a stupid show
That's full of self-stroking egos

AAAAAA B C
And Do Re Me
And they're broadcasting bigots in the end.

But Fear shaped, or Hate shaped,
These Cocks don't lose THEIR SHAPE,
GMA CAN EAT MY SHIT.

CHRIS CUOMO!
ROBIN ROBERTS!
TALK TO ME DIANE SAWYER!
TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT!

I don't even watch that show, so it's not like all of a sudden I'm going to stop watching it.

That shit's not news. And they're not journalists.

But, back to Adam.

I LOVE how Adam Lambert freaks everyone out.

I LOVE IT.

So, he kissed some straight dude on the mouth during his performance at the AMA.

Or he ate him. I'm not sure which. People are acting like he ate him.

We've watched Michael Jackson grab his crotch for 20+ years.

We've watched Madonna grab her crotch for 20+ years.

We've seen Janet Jackson's boob pop out (which actually, the misogyny of the incident bothered me more than anything... well, that and nipples pierced by BEAR-TRAPS ALWAYS bother me).

We've seen Madonna tongue Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, which just about made me barf where I sat.

But all of a sudden, it's dude on dude, for obvious shock value and people are all worked up. Mission accomplished.

He didn't tongue a 5 year old for Christ's sake. Cheese-whiz of Nazareth!

And he didn't eat a person on stage either.

Adam Lambert, "I'm not a babysitter. And it's up to parents to discern what their child is watching."

I wish people got as worked up over violence being shown on television...

Will and I both wrote short notes to GMA. I told them that I was actually embarrassed for them. I'm embarrassed that they are quite literally broadcasting their ignorance and promoting homophobia.

If you're so inclined to write a quick message to ABC's 'Good Morning America', you may do so here.

So, speaking of rock stars, I'm going to leave you with one...

Lady GaGa

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I'm sorry, I'm gay and if THIS WERE THE HOSTESS at a restaurant???

I'd be all, "Which way's our table, honey?" And, "Why so quiet today?" And, "Aren't you going to sit down with us? Again... So quiet. You're so mysterious... I LOVE IT!! I LOVE YOU!! YOU AND YOUR GIANT BOOBS!! I'm sorry... I don't know what came over me. Umm... So, what are the specials? Again... So quiet."

I still love boobs and a busty mannequin is some funny stuff.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love REAL boobs. Big or small, I love 'em. Bigger ones are certainly more mesmerizing, not better mind you, but mesmerizing. But in general, the real ones steal the show in my opinion. The fake ones are more like... circus attractions. Something to be stared at, yes... But in an un-natural way.

Sorry, my insecure ladies out there who've had some... assistance. I apologize for a society who puts such pressure on you, that you feel a need to actually have "corrective" surgery, when you were just fine to begin with.

Dudes certainly have pressures put on them as well, but less-so, I believe.

I had an ass for about 3 years when I was doing a lot of squats and roller-blading about 20 miles a week. That was about 12 years ago. The Charnas men don't really have asses. Our backs just kind of extend into our legs. But, I'm cool with it. Sure, I wouldn't mind a little more cushion, but I'm not going to have SURGERY.

I don't like fake shit, except for mannequins. But really, it's not me anyone has to impress anyway. It's themselves, but that's a whole other story and once again, I'm getting off on a tangent.

This dude in Reading, Ohio put a busty mannequin outside of his restaurant and business actually improved. And now, some uptight, non-boob lovers are mad.

Yeah... Because he's the ONLY one to ever try and capitalize on boobs and bathing suits. Jesuzzz... In this economy??? Leave the poor guy a-fucking-lone. And let the poor mannequin in a bikini do her job... Or at least let her just stand there.

And if you're against it? Don't go to his restaurant.

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