More Money Than Sense

Kate Gosselin's New Hair Extensions Reportedly Cost $7,000

This week Kate Gosselin premiered her new long hair on the cover of People magazine, calling her new style and outlook on life "Kate Clean Slate."

More Like, "Kate's Wasted Space".

And I'm talking about what's between her photoshopped neck and the straw coming out of her melon.

It didn't help that her hair was fucked to begin with...

Sorry, bishes... That shit is fucked. And if your hair looks like this, you need to cut that shit out. And I mean that literally. You look ridiculous. No one's going to tell you, but trust me. I'm not trying to be mean, but lose it now. That has got to be one of the dumbest haircuts EVER.

But $7,000.

$7,000!!

Her fake BULLSHIT HAIR cost SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS... and it still looks like shit.

I would've fixed it for free and given the seven grand to someone losing their home.

When I told Will how much that asshole spent on that crap that doesn't even look good, he just replied a-matter-of-factly, "Why would anybody want a ho with fake hair?"

Why, indeed...

And "I'm Starting Over"??? No, you're not. You're just adding more shit to your pile.

"Starting Over" isn't spending $7,000 on fake hair. You're as detached from reality as ever.

But, if we're going to limit self-actualization to hair styles, then...

even though Britney Spears is kind of crazy, THIS

is starting over. At least she had the guts to just shave her shit off. Oh sure, she looks like she's going to start eating babies here, but still.

Just lose the hoodie, add some eye-shadow, mascara and lipstick, a little bling hanging from the ears and an alluring glance and you're ready for NOT eating babies.

And yes, unfortunately none of us knew that Britney actually had her debut on

Close Encounters of The Third Kind, but still. At least her scalp wasn't fake.

I would've had more respect for Miss Gosselin if she had

covered her head in cigarettes. Which ironically, I find less smokable than her current hair (extensions and all).

***DISCLAIMER: "I find less smokable than her current hair." - This in NO WAY insinuates that Kevin Charnas wants Ms. Gosselin injured by her hair being set on fire.

(Title: Cigarette Head, by Photographer: Tyler Durden - source)
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Slightly Overloaded

This is actually how I feel today. Right down to my right eye being all messed up. It's practically twitching... Yeah, I know... pretty, right?

This contribution comes to us from our yummy correspondent in Long Beach, Auntie Biotic. Thanks, Auntie! It's quite accurate, my friend. But, just knowing that you're out there thinking of me cures my ills, daghlink.

(These are baby hamsters in case you're wondering...)(source)

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The EEVVIIILLL of Maggie Gallagher

What EEVVVIIIILLLLL lurks behind those beady eyes...

DO YOU DARE TO LOOK AT HER?? DO YOU??? BE CAREFUL!!

For she is eevviiillll and sweaty. And has bad hair.

Of course, she isn't evil. Just ignorant... stupid really. And suffers from her wants of being distracted and void of the ability to empathize with someone different from herself. Oh, and she can't answer questions.

She was like this in high school though, but with better hair and make-up.

How do I know this, you ask?

Well,

I happen to have stumbled upon her Senior Class Picture!

Remind you of anyone? She was voted "The Most Likely To Wear Unusual Purple Earrings" and "Most Likely To Turn Green".

And JUST LOOK AT THE EVIL TEMPTRESS IN HER

PROM GOWN. The tentacles are a bit over the top, I know, but they certainly do make a statement... or a scar.

I was also fortunate enough to find some pics of her on vacation,

at Disneyland.

Thought you could just fly away from the cameras, huh Mag?

Oh Sweetie... besides the tragedy of your bangs. If you only had a brain...

Oh and darling? What happened to that mole you used to have in High School?

Wait.

Let me guess.

You ate it.

Because it didn't belong.

But, Mags. Raggie Maggie... I noticed something about your performance in that interview up there on Hard Balls.

I want to bring something to your attention and it might make you angry... So, I'm just warning you. Or maybe I'm warning me...

Naggie Maggie broadcasting your intellect (which strongly resembles a bologna sandwich) from a soggy brown baggie?

You.

NEVER.

Answered.

The Question.

You were asked.

NOT EVER.

I knew it'd make you mad.

And I don't EVEN want to know what that is coming out of your clam, mmm-kay? 'Cause you just nasty, girl.

***If you'd like to send your Congressperson a message that's already been written for you in support of the Matthew Shepard Act, you may do so here.***

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