The Attempt

So the other day, Will and I celebrated 8 years together, which is roughly the equivalent of 56 years in gay years. We didn't actually know that it was the anniversary of our first date until our ever faithful Dor kindly reminded us. She always does... Thank you, Doe! So, without meaning to celebrate it, we celebrated it, by attending a showing at Cleveland's MOCA with some friends. We ate some fine hors d'oeuvres and sipped (gulped) some wine. We chatted with some of the artists who were there featuring their work and stared at all of the women's fantastic shoes and their gussied up toe nails. After all, it IS Summer... and we ARE gay. We pondered some video installations - some funny, some disturbing and most I just didn't "get". I felt like yelling at one of them, "NO MORE BLOOD!! NO MORE SIMULATED SEX WITH DEAD GRANDPA!! NO MORE UNBLINKING EYES!! DON'T MAKE ME HURT A STRANGER!!" But, I didn't... Damn it. Maybe one day I'll yell my honesty from the top of my lungs and hurt a stranger. I hope that they deserve it.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore... See? This is what contemporary art does to me.

So afterwards, we headed on over to NightTown for some spirits and dinner. We had a great time, although the waiter could've toned it down a bit. We were there for dinner and he was our server, not our coach. And we weren't looking for a battle plan really. He wasn't horrible, just a little too aggressive for my liking. I felt like relaxing, not getting in a huddle to shout out my entree order, "31! 24! 15!! I'LL HAVE THE HALLOUMI KABOBS AND A FUCKING HOUSE SALAD WITH CRUMBLES OF BLEU CHEESE!! NOW, GO!!"

Anyway, during dinner, the six of us got to talking, as we do, and we quickly began lamenting the oil spill and the developed world's dependence on fossil fuels.

Our very good friend, ... ... let's call her "Yani", and no, not THIS

"Yani" (apparently, this woman's name is "Yani"). So, not THIS one. I have NO IDEA what her bubbies are listening to, but if they'd stop clowning around, they could feed Uganda.

And no, not after the

dramatic Greek guy with all the hair (I know that's redundant).

And NO, not after the

Wamena-YANI-tribesmen (I know that's exactly what you were thinking... HHEEYY, BOYS!! Nice... um... jock straps? What the fuck ARE those things? Cock launchers? Good god, man... those look dangerous. Oh sure, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. What are you guys going to do with those? Play the xylophone?)

But, just plain "Yani", because I feel like it. And I have my reasons.

So, we were lamenting the oil spill... And besides conservation of resources, besides using alternative products to petroleum, besides signing petitions and writing to our people in congress, WHAT could we do that is more aggressive?

"Yani", feeling the severity of the situation, really, the immediacy of the disaster, was almost overcome with anguish. Our friend is used to action. And she lives by strict standards of being a vegan because of health AND ethical reasons. She's DEVOTED to progress, to the environment and animals' rights. And over the years, she has marched against war, for women's rights, for gay rights... She has stood up for what she believes in and speaks her mind freely and courageously.

My heart swells with pride for her and her unwavering devotion to her passions, to what she believes and knows is right. If only we could all be more like her...

We talked of making a plan to conserve even more, to go in on a co-op together of purchasing organic food direct from the farmer. So, one person from each of the three households present was to take part in that - and the immense job of canning to follow. That left me and the other two husbands of the group - jobless.

I offered that maybe we could start up and manage a group of exotic male dancers who weigh over 300 lbs to raise awareness of our cause.

Everyone just stared at me.

Sheesh... It wasn't like I said manage a group of,

"Fat midget strippers". What kind of guy do you peeps think I am??

Someone inquired, "A bunch of fat male dancers?"

And I replied, "They don't HAVE to be fat, just over 300 lbs. They could be like... big football players. You know, just big. But, they have to exotic dance. Like... swinging round a pole and stuff."

Yeah. So, no one really took my idea seriously. And so we started talking about forming a church. And maybe a religion. One where we would vehemently denounce corporate greed. One where, our leader and elders would be sharks going after the ones hiding behind their false cloaks of god, who all the while rape humanity and the planet of its beauty... its truth and innocence. The very antithesis of who they say they are... THOSE with greed clouding their judgment would be our focus.

I know, it always starts out with good intentions, but that's a slippery slope.

I mentioned the overweight, male dancers again. And someone said, "And what in the hell is THAT going to do?"

And I replied, "Who cares? I dunno... raise money."

Again, no one was buying it.

By the end of the evening, things were pretty much still left up in the polluted air. But, I'm pretty sure I can tell you one thing. That everyone at the table was deeply concerned, to the point of emotion. And they're deeply devoted to progress... in the most conscientious manner. And we ARE trying.

We're all willing to do our best. And even though that may differ from day-to-day, we're still going to do it. 'Cause that's how we roll. So, I'm hoping you'll join us. 'Cause we could use the company.

And here are some others who are determined... to try and do their best.

Oohh yeah... You like that? Huh? Do you? AND WHAT ABOUT THIS MOVE, HUH, COWBOY?? HHIII-YYAAA!! (That's what happens when Sumos start slappin'.)

************************

Girlfriend threw girlfriend up in the air. And now she's going to eat one of the judges.

*************************

Boyfriend carried boyfriend out of the fire. While shitting his pants. Or getting ready to sneeze. Whatever the case may be, he was definitely multi-tasking.

*************************

DUDE! You might as well smile while you still can...

*************************

I don't believe you, Homer. I like you, but I don't believe you. At least if we try, it's going to put us a little farther ahead than if we hadn't tried at all.

********************************