Knowing The Specials

Well, it's day #5 of me lying about flat on my back. I can't believe that my back is still whacked. And Whitney, did indeed call me and when I answered, knowing it was her because her number showed up, I asked, "What up, girl?"

And then, she replied, "YOUR BACK IS WHACK!! SHIT, DOG!!"

And then, if I didn't already know it was her, she started yelling, "BBOOOOBBBAAYYYY!!! BBBOOOBBBAYYYY!!" before she hung up the phone.

So, I'm stir-crazy. I've been hobbling about, trying to do some light stretches, but they just seem to aggravate my back even more. I've been icing and trying not to do much.

So, "trying not to do much" SOMEHOW led me to the following video. Don't ask me how I came across it, for I truly don't know.

The video was fine, not really, but it is what it is. However, what kept my attention were the comments that followed.

Holy smokes.

For instance, "deltaman" wrote, "well if you wanted a reward for fucking whining.. you got it. Throw some cheese on dat bitch!"

"hoipoi10" was tongue-tied and wrote, "OMG!"

"JawJaws" wrote enviously, "nice lips"

"SeamusHobo" wrote, "You're not funny, you're not original and at at the end of the day.. you're an American! Fancy a ride?"

Oh Seamus, you're such a romantic hobo... And anyone who stutters even in text just wins my heart, even if you ARE ARE stupid.

"bigart1993" was really sweet and said, "What she really wants: A SLOPPY FACIAL"

And "davidwallis85" no doubt wanting to encourage "bigart1993" commented on HIS comment, "lol great call"

Oh David. Why not just get it over with and ask Big Art if you can suck him.

THEN, "Damian Grover" was just plain exuberant and exclaimed "Marry me!xxxx"

"AlcoholicFelix" asked, "is she crazy?"

You're one to talk, Felix... all self-medicating with the booze.

"CreatorOfPorn" pronounced, "she s hhhhoooottttttt deamn"

Where "alexkiller1" just wrote, "bitch", which is always really sweet.

"Fattyjey" jumped on the romantic bandwagon and said, "Sho me somegoddamn tittis".

Mr. Fatty, you're more romantic than Seamus!

"livedeath2222" wrote, "the only reason this video has so much views is cause the girl is a whore".

In which I say, Mr. Livedeath, that might not be the ONLY reason...

"bitesizereeces" exclaimed with a little prejudice I believe, "Justine this is my all time favorite video of yours!! Give me the cheeseburger! Lol absolute favorite.".

Jesus Bitesize... you're a wreck. We should just call you "Bitesizepieces".

"geniusxkiller" professed his love, "Marry me plz! My name is Bob Thomas, I'm 5 feet 9 inches(penis size also!). I want to sex on you. I take ballet classes and write poems. I make very good spaghetti and likes to watch sun sets. I draw unicorns and rainbows and likes to take bubble baths. I make delicious hamburgers. I don't like salmon either. I watch all your videos. I have blonde spiked hair and love you. My favorite food is pizza. I don't like tomatoes. Icarly is my second favorite show (yours being the first)."

I thought you were "geniusxkiller"? Okay... Well, Bob, I bet she'd be interested in you if your penis wasn't as long as you are tall and if you weren't gay and in 5th grade.

"CrustySmegma", who only has a name someone completely vile could love, wrote, "dam that chick isnt funny at all... why do people watch this shit..."

Mr. Smegma? It's damn, not "dam". A noun there just doesn't make sense.

To which, "nycl3gendkiller" got up alll in "CrustySmegma's" business and was all, "cause she is hot, why is ur dick broken?"

Dang, no he din't.

Then, "frikz123" wrote,
"i want a titsburger..
titsburger..
yeah titsburger.."

And "hgemon" wrote, "you need sperm milk in your face".

Then, "beastmode003" wrote, "ILL GIVE U MY BIG OL CHEESE BURGER".

And "kevsixteen" choked out, "i love u ij but let me tell u that u almost kill me cuz i was chewing gum while i was seeing this video so i swoalo it and choked and i almost got killed by u cuz i was laughing soooooooo much i love u ij !"

I hate it when I swoalo gum and almost get kill.

And "greygirl 9999" exclaimed, "omg i HATE it when waiters do that!!!!!!! it makes me wanna kill baby kittens!!!!!!!!!!!!! =("

Okay, first of all... "kittens" ARE BABIES, YOU ASSHOLE. YOU'RE BEING REDUNDANT. But besides that, REALLY, MISS GREY? THAT makes you want to kill kittens? :( I'm pretty sure that when life really gets rough for you, we're ALL in trouble. Even baby babies.

Well, then the comments on Miss Grey's comment;

"MrStarstrukk283", "hahahaa same here...and whats a mahi mahi".

And, "salth2omermaid" explained, "mahi mahi is dolphin".

While "lovefromcaroline" exclaimed her uncertainty, "mahi mahi is tuna ?!?!?!".

"androoschlong" doesn't really care WHAT Mahi Mahi is and yelled, "show ya poon!!"

"GeneralG1810" jumped on the bandwagon and asked, "Can I eat your furburger?"

Something tells me there's no "fur" down there, General.

And "recheveste31" exclaimed, "jizz!!! lol"

Yes, Mr. Recheveste, that's just hysterical. I'm lol too.

Where "horstens" exclaimed, "I´m doin`your mom!"

Again, terribly sweet.

Now, "BigOleWolrd" wasn't too fond of her and wrote, "This bitch is so damn stupid. You can take that cheeseburger and shove it up your ass."

"Livinginoneness9" had a spiritual bend to their comment, "i eat fruit that wants to be eaten for seed despersal and eat a few other vegies on the side for nutrients to continue living i dont end the life of an animal that thinks and has emotions just so that i can satisfy my taste buds."

Mr/Miss Livinginoneness, I applaud your higher consciousness, I truly do. I've given up pork for the very same reason. But, I think it's okay to eat fruit and veggies that DON'T WANT to be eaten for seed dispersal, especially because I highly doubt you're flying over fields and streams shitting in them. I could be wrong, though. I know. I'm a barbarian. The whole "seed dispersal" thing just has me thinking you really only eat dust and rain.

"housechores" wrote, "Funny...and I'm in love with the way you say cheeeeeeeeseburgers"

Get back to WORK, CINDERELLA!

"MrBarrackosama" smacked everyone down with, "madafuckin cheeseburga . why all these niggas saying she so special coz she has looks. she just put makeup on and is FIT. doesnt mean she makes good videos ma niggas".

Umm...okay, Mr. President... No wonder you're having so much trouble with your health care plan.

THEN, "AzeoxKun" wrote, "wow if i was 6 years older i fucked u"

And the past tense just confused everyone, beginning with;

"xxxtobyx3", "I don't understand your comment. Are you saying that if you were 6 years older you would have had already engaged in sexual intercourse with her?"

And "IslandTess07", "I agree - I'm very confused with his comment?"

Mr. Byx and Ms. Tess? I think he's 12. Or 10. I know, it's kind of a mind-bender. But, I think he's saying if he were older, he'd be pouncing on her "poon".

"gilboypogi" told her, "i'll fuck ur curtain pussy!!!"

Now, I'm the one who's confused. I don't know what "curtain pussy" means.

"jono2687" wrote, "youll be fat and ugly in a few years you fucking cunt !"

Now, I really don't like the "C" word. In fact, I highly doubt that it's EVER made an appearance on this blog. But, I had to on this one. I think ssooommmmeboooddyyy is a little bitter. And their name begins with "j".

"codytheking313" was very technical and thus, boring, and said, "show us your genitals."

Yawn. Mr. King? Get with the profanity.

"eagertomeetmiley11" expressed her frustration, "omg she is soo cute!!!!i want her hair i hate mine!!!!ugh!!!!!!"

You know what, Ms. Eagertomeetmiley? Again, Yawn. Get with the profanity. Like you couldn't have said, "omg she is soo cute!!!! i want her hair with spooge in it!! i hate mine!!! It's not stuck to the pillow!! ugh!!!"

And Mr. "Doob776" confessed, "i watch ijustine's video's with the sound off and my pants off, its ALOT better that way".

"doubledutch9r" explained, "if you want to eat a cheeseburger at a place that sells mahi mahi with lime juice, pan seared halibut, and salmon, you should really take a good long hard look at yourself and think: wow. this is why the Europeans hate us."

So, Mr. Dutch... THAT'S the reason? THAT'S the summation of our foreign policy? Well, that was easy enough.

And Mr. "SoldierMedicPATMAN" asked, "whats with all the perverted comments? imma keep it clean and just say i would love to fuck you crazy and eat your asshole."

That's just really quaint. Mr. Patman, you are just SO old-fashioned!

And "iJakeTV" said, "I would have gone to a different place!!"

***(Insert sound of screeching brakes)***

And then I thought, Jake! What? No "pussy burger" comment?? No "You're hair needs a cum bath!" comment? No, "that makes me want to kill kittens, do your mom and see your poon!" comment? Just "I would have gone to a different place!"?? Just like that?? With two exclamation marks? That simple?

But.... But, if she would've just "gone to a different place", we would've had NONE of this! It would've just been business as usual in poon-ville. "Hgemon", "CrustySmegma" and Mr. "Beastmode" wouldn't have been able to express themselves. Actually, well over 15,000 people wouldn't have been able to express themselves. As vulgar as they might be.

And I wouldn't have gotten to laugh. WE wouldn't have gotten to laugh. Not really at the video, mind you, but at the disaster of comments left in its wake.

Oh sure, there may have been a whole other story, a whole other set of circumstances. But, there wasn't. She went where she went. And we got what we got. And we all dealt with it in different ways. It made some of us angry. And some of us happy. Some of us confused. And quite a few of us horny.

But still, the experience she had set off its ripple effect and we all had different experiences because and in-spite of it.

And really, Jake... HOW do you know what you would've done? HOW do you REALLY KNOW?? I believe you THINK you know what you would've done. But, you don't. Not really. How arrogant and self-centered to think that you would.

And funny enough, out of all the stupid, nasty comments, I think yours might be one of the most judgmental. Simply put, because you knew better. Of a situation that you weren't in, you so easily thought you knew what you'd do.

Jake, I'm being unfair to you. We've all probably done this at some point. I know I have. I seemed so certain that I knew what I would've done in someone else's circumstance. But, I believe that I wouldn't have truly known until I was in that person's shoes, which unfortunately, just beyond the realm of empathy, is impossible.

So, I suppose, like any self-expression, including my own, it speaks more about the person saying it, rather than who or what they're talking about.

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Higher Learning Or Maybe Not So Much...

Actor James Franco pulls out of UCLA grad speech

AP "LOS ANGELES – Actor James Franco says he has dropped a plan to give a commencement speech at the University of California, Los Angeles, a move that may have been prompted by pressure from students.

Franco issued a statement saying he canceled his June 12 appearance because of conflicts with preproduction demands for his next film.

However, the "Pineapple Express" star had been the object of opposition from students who said he was not the right fit for the commencement speech.

"The problem with him as a speaker comes down to the fact he was a peer for so many of us," UCLA senior Erin Moore said. "He was in our class. He's not a role model. And he hasn't had time to accomplish anything with his degree."

Franco, 31, enrolled at UCLA in 1996 and graduated last year with a degree in creative writing. He would have been the youngest person and most recent graduate to deliver a commencement speech at UCLA.

Soon after the commencement announcement in March, Moore set up a Facebook page called "UCLA Students Against James Franco as Commencement Speaker." Hundreds joined, and Moore estimated about 80 percent of them are UCLA students."

What's hysterical is that there's a facebook page of "Students Against UCLA Students Against James Franco as Commencement Speaker".

Now, please... James Franco is just a frickin' hottie if there ever was one... And he sleeps like a baby. Just look at him! This is when he was over the other night.

He had been reading poetry to me and got tired from his busy schedule of filming and acting and being on the receiving end of ignorance from peeps like Erin Less (I mean, Moore). LOOK AT HIM! So sweet... and hot. I should've tea-bagged him right then and there.

Then, I was all, "WAKE UP, BISH!! WAKE UP!! AIN'T NO SLEEPIN' GOIN' ON! DANG!" So, he woke up.

And I slapped a bow-tie around his neck 'cause that's how I roll and prepared his tummy with warm oil. Yes, my arm and hand have become quite graceful and bare of hair and I had my luxurious locks pulled back in a Scrunchie. Why do you ask?

Then after I lit some candles, I was all, "Hold on, James! I needs me some popcorn, bish! Just hold on, baby!" 'Cause I likes popcorn with my menz.

And he was all, "MMMPPPFFFHHHH", 'cause you know, his mouth was taped up. But, I think both you and I KNOW that he was commenting on how hot I am and what a super-porn, rockstar ass I've got going on.

And I'm really reluctant to share these next shots with you because they're so personal to me and James, but I'm going to because I like you guys and well, I just feel like I should share them with you... 'cause again, that's how I roll.

So, the top pics of the following collage are of us at the beach. James had been swimming and then, I went for more popcorn and soda and he was all mad yelling at me with no pants on because he hates it when I leave him. (And just ignore that whole, "James Franco in James Dean" and "James Franco in Sonny" crap... I don't know WHAT that's all about... damn film developers RUINED my collage.)

So, then yeah... The middle left pic is when he was 12 or something and we were playing Legos with his shirt off and then the right middle pic is when he's getting all on top of me and that's when I was a young woman. And then the bottom left pic is of James in the bathroom wondering where all the hair products went and then the middle bottom pic is of my graceful and bare of hair hand with a long thumbnail getting ready to spank James on his tushie from way far back. And then, after I spanked him and he yelled at me, I shut myself in a room sobbing and the bottom right pic is him trying to talk me out... naked.

Well, the students who were against my honey speaking at the commencement, go on to talk about how yes, they're proud of him and it's nothing against him personally, but that he isn't as esteemed as say, "Michelle Obama". And that for the caliber of UCLA, it should be someone of her ranking.

That's quite a message that Erin Moore and her peers are sending out with their "education".

I remember when I was 15 years old. I made a prank phone call with a friend to another friend. I don't remember what I said, or why I said it. I just remember that it really hurt the friend's feelings.

Well, a couple of weeks later, I was at a festival and some big dumb thug came up to me and said, "Come with me. Bruce wants to speak with you..." He was rubbing my neck while we walked as though he were preparing me for a fight. I was scrawny, 15 and scared. I walked with a lump in my throat and on the verge of pissing my pants. He walked me over to where my friend, the victim of my prank phone call was with her boyfriend, "Bruce".

Bruce proceeded to yell at me, while my friend watched. And the guy who was standing behind me held me in place until "Bruce" was finished yelling. A whole group of them looked on and I was humiliated.

I tried to talk to my friend, "Bruce's" girlfriend, but he yelled, "DON'T TALK TO HER! GET OUT OF HERE!!"

So, I walked away completely embarrassed and angry.

I later found a younger cousin of mine at the festival who I used to be quite close with... She's a couple of years younger than I am, and we grew up together. So, while I was 15, she was 13... I told her what happened and how mad I was. And she just calmly said, "Well, how would you feel if you were in their shoes?"

It was a total light bulb moment. A complete, "AAA-HHAAA!" And I've never forgotten it.

It was simple. She talked of the notion of empathizing and she was 13. And more importantly, I listened. Thankfully.

I eventually saw that couple at a party... It was probably a couple of months later. And I apologized to both of them. They accepted and we moved on. But, I never forgot what my cousin said. And now, some 25 years later, I think how difficult true empathy is for people to grasp. But, when empathy is embraced, how unbelievably profound it is... and is nothing short of brilliantly essential in respectful communication, in understanding and true love.

And what a lesson that was... for a student of 15 and a teacher of 13.

I have a feeling that we all have some type of wisdom that we might not often follow ourselves, but can still share nonetheless, no matter what our age. There's a saying that the reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is because we should be listening twice as much as we're talking.

Initially, I understand Erin Moore's reaction and simple reasoning. But, if given the chance, I would've encouraged her to look further. To have more of an open mind... one that real education encourages, instead of talking so much, to maybe listen more.

She actually might learn something.

And then, she'd have something worth saying.

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