Gay Unions Sanctioned in Medieval Europe

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Let us be "brothers" and pledge to live together sharing "un pain, un vin, et une bourse," (that's French for one bread, one wine and one purse)." But truly, as fancy as thou art in thy tapestry, thou may have of my bread, but touch of my wine or fondle my purse, instead of my sac and you shall be sorry my lord, for we shall duel with our man swords at dawn...or dusk...or anytime hereafter.


So, I am only left to declare this (even though it shan't be written for 500 more years),

***"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary," (horned up on night sweats)
"Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore--" (porn)
"While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping," (he was spankin' it)
"As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door." (and it was ready to burst through his tights)
"'Tis some visiter," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door--" (he forgot he had a penis??)
"Only this and nothing more."" (it finally popped out and unfortunately wasn't much to look at)

My good fellow, thou have bewitched in me a stirring of my loins in which I can only think that thou tapestry-mini and tightly red-wrapped thighs is to blame. And your hind end shall be punished at once. But first, let us move thou stuff in and redecorate this hideous castle, where you shall rule as Queen over pigs and cows and goats and...shit.

***Text taken from "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe, 1845
Commentary on text taken from "The Perved-Up Brain" by Kevin Charnas, 2007