The Super Friends And The Dipshit Twins

How much did I LOVE the Super Friends??

Lots, I tell you.

Superman was strong and somehow understated...the "strong and silent" type that always makes me hot. Kind of like Will.

Batman was kind of annoying. He just seemed like he took everything WAY too seriously. I'd still spank his bottom and call him a little dirty bitch, but he'd be one of my last choices. We all know that he's hot for that twink Robin anyway. Yeah, whatever. Robin is barely old enough to have pubes, so I think it's kinda sick. But, who am I to judge?

See? Here's Batman trying to hide his boner from Robin. He's all, "Holy Big Bang Zonkers, Robin! You shouldn't have bent over like that in those tights."

And Robin's still clueless at this point, "Can I go outside now and play on the swing set?? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeaasssseee..."

And here, Batman is all gleeful because he's poking Robin in the back of the head with his Batpeep and Robin is obviously over it by now.

He's probably just like, "Dude...Would you just give it a rest already?? Jeezuuzz..."

Sick. Just sick.

Then there was Wonder Woman. And she was awesome. Strong and full of purpose and direction. She didn't need to over compensate for her minority status in the group, her character and stature spoke for themselves. And she was hot too.

But, of course, when I began looking for images of her, you'd think that she were more concerned with waxing her vulva and using her giant boobs to sandwich men's heads in between in order to get them to tell her the truth, rather than her golden lasso.

Don't get me wrong. She was a subtle dominatrix. But that's the point, she was subtle.

She wasn't all giggly and geared up to be some sex toy leaning up against a wall taking a tinkle like she is here,

And this certainly isn't my recollection of her,

as intriguing and tempting as she is.

And see?

She didn't wear fucking pasties, okay? She didn't need to.

This was how I remember her,

Strong, confident, sexy, but not a slut and not a bitch.

And of course, Linda Carter, wow.

Between her and Aquaman, I was as confused as could be.

Which brings me to my next point,

Dude, what is up with your eyebrows?

I remember even noticing them as a kid.

And look at those bubbles. He tooted and they didn't even edited it out. That Seahorse was probably like, "Oh, great. FANTASTIC! Another stinker."

I thought Aquaman was hot. Really hot. I liked that he was kind of a loner and he was pretty low-key too. Again, the strong and silent type. But why black eyebrows with bleached blond hair?? Usually during the summer when I've been spending a lot of time outside swimming and kayaking, my hair starts to turn blond. And so do my eyebrows. So, what's up Aquaman? Did your agent want to keep the brows black or what? And does that mean your pubes are super dark too?

Now, personally, I find this version of Aquaman to be the HOTTEST yet.

I mean, how could I not?? Look at him! Those orange eyes. His little tight half-shirt. That really round bottom and those oval thighs? That is one sexy water beast. Although, this one doesn't have any eyebrows and that's a little disturbing. But, I'm willing to over look it.

Now, these two? Do you remember them? The "Wonder Twins"?

Good lord, what a couple of useless assholes.

They'd put their matching rings together and yell out, "WONDER TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!!" And then they had the choice of transforming themselves into anything they wanted. But it was never anything really useful. They could've turned into a bazooka, or a tsunami, or a lightening bolt, but nnnoooooo... They were always like, "FORM OF.... .... A MEATBALL!" "FORM OF.... A LADLE!!"

So fucking stupid. A couple of inbred motherfuckers is what we have right there. Perfect poster children for birth control.

Many of you probably remember this clip from years ago. But, I LOVE IT. It was during the whole, "WWHAAZZZZ-UUPPPP??" phase in our society. I still happen to think that it's brilliant.

And how fricking funny is it that Wonder Woman is "Dookie"?