CAUTION: Dramatic Curves Ahead

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So, I'm nearing the end of a 6 week long Bitch-Slap-Fest here at work. It's been fun, let me tell you. Unfortunately, I was never slapped in just the right spot.

There were many ways that made it crystal clear to me, just how stressed I've been;

1. When I was shaving and simultaneously thinking about how I'd like to punch one of our neighbors square in her face and pull her hair, I gave myself a wonderfully deep gash. Then, almost began crying. I, of course, cursed my neighbor and her evil ways for this. She CUT ME, bitch.

2. I've been thinking about how I'd like to punch the same neighbor square in her face and pull her hair every time our dogs don't shit when they're SUPPOSE TO GOD DAMN IT!! When our dogs don't shit when I deem it time, I'm on the verge of bursting into tears. It is of course, all of her fault. Damn her and her evil ways.

3. When the air purifier that I sleep like a drunken sailor to somehow became stuck on "TURBO", rather than "Whisper", I wanted to punch this same neighbor SQUARE IN HER STUPID FUCKING FACE AND PULL HER NASTY, DRIED OUT, OVER-PERMED PIECE OF SHIT RAT'S NEST she calls hair. I even fantasized running over her and her evil spawn with my car. I'm not proud of it, but then again, I'M NOT THE ONE who made me cut myself, made my dogs fucking constipated, and fucking broke my air purifier that cleans the moldy air that we breathe out of our condo now, am I?

No. It's clearly all her fault. I wonder what it's like to be the bride of Satan?

I know that you probably think that I'm exaggerating a little...But, I did happen to snap a picture of her at the beach recently during one of her "episodes"...


See? You didn't believe me.

I tried spraying her with Raid, that was NOTHING! She grabbed the can with her dirt-impacted talons as she ate some more butterflies and sweet Hummingbirds and sucked the goodness out of the air with her putrid breath, while farting fire clouds and growled, "GREAT!! MORE HAIRSPRAY!!"

She's EVIL, I tell you... And what's worse? She's procreating...