"JINGLE ALL THE WAY....HEY!!"

So, recently I've noticed something...

Dudes here on the UC Santa Barbara campus wearing some awfully short shorts these days.

I've asked some of the guys that work for me, "Hey, are short shorts for dudes back in?"

And their replies have always been the same, "I hope not."

It's always hard for me to imagine certain things coming back in style.

Bell-bottoms were one of them. But, they did and I liked the look when they came back.

I loved growing up in the 80's, the music was great, but the style was not. Hopefully, big-sprayed hair, leg-warmers, cinched pants and Firenza sweaters left with 1989. But, I have a feeling that they didn't. Styles really just seem to go on hiatus.

Did we wear short shorts in the 80's? The O.P. shorts? Ocean Pacific? Or was that the 70's? I dunno. I can't remember. I was drunk from about 1984 until...umm...yesterday. Okay, okay, you're right, this morning...such a tough crowd. But, I can't remember...

Anyway, I'm left wondering, who wears short shorts? I'm talking about in the "dude realm".

Who is going to wear this? And where?

This isn't atrocious, I rather like the look of the jacket and shirt...I'm not so sure about the shorts with beige shoes, but I'm still wondering...

who wears short shorts?

Oooohhh...NOW I remember!!

That would be me. I look like I'm not even wearing pants.

In fact, Kami made a comment on this flickr pic that's titled, "Haircut" by saying, "With your pants off?", which has brought my short shorts to my attention.

I must have repressed the memory of wearing them.

So, whoever designed the U.S. military issue was probably gay. I doubt some straight dude was all, "Hey, let's make it so that the guys' shorts are REALLY short and their balls always fall out."

'Cause our balls were falling out 24/7 when we were wearing those frickin' ridiculous swatches of cloth with a belt.

In Haiti, we didn't wear underwear because of something they called "Crotch Rot". We were told to "free ball it". No doubt another devious scheme by gay military headquarters to insure that there would be balls falling and jingling and bouncing all over the damn place.

Oh sure, they said it was from the "humidity" and that we'd get a rash down there that would make all of ann coulter's STD's and the flies buzzing around her garbage-dump of a pussy look like Kindergarten. But, we knew better.

I remember when we'd be wearing those khaki military issue daisy dukes and when there were women around, we'd have to get up side saddle. Otherwise, people would be tripping. Although, it was good for distracting the enemy.

See? It looks like I'm wearing a khaki mini-dress. I'm the one in the lower left hand corner. The one in the heels.

So, last night while Will and I were walking the dogs, we were discussing the whole short shorts thing. I told him how my Dad years ago, when we would be sailing, he would be wearing his rather short-shorts with a worn out jock strap and everything would be falling all over the place and I would be getting so sick to my stomach that I'd start yelling at my Dad. "DAD!! COME ON!! WHY EVEN BOTHER WITH THE JOCK-STRAP?" JESUS..."

My Dad would just kind of chuckle and wouldn't give a shit.

And Mom would just be sitting there shaking her head, drinking another Meister Brau out of the can.

And then Will said, "Well...it's not like she hadn't seen it before."

And I retaliated, "YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE WE WOULD LOOK AT IT AS A FAMILY!! IT WASN'T LIKE A FAMILY TRADITION TO LOOK AT MY DAD'S BALLS DROPPING OUT OF HIS SHORTS!! CHRIST ALMIGHTY!!"

Or...was it?

Whatever the attire, could we PLEASE just keep it in our shorts? PLEASE??

That's too much to ask for, isn't it?