Large And In Charge

So, these bishes up in here be all crazy and shizz. THEY BE CRAZY, BISHES!! Dang...

I really need to figure out my scanner so I can show you some things... I took my brother, Craig, sky-diving ten years ago. We had dudes follow us with cameras so we could document the whole terrifying ordeal. Actually, it was really more surreal, than "terrifying". When they opened the door of the airplane I thought, "Huh... I've never been up in an airplane with the door open before... That's kind of something..." And then they started throwing everyone out and everyone started screaming and that kind of took the moment over... and became a different moment.

As you might know, my Father and my oldest brother, Christopher were both Navy pilots, so when they heard we went sky-diving, they inquired, "Why would you want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane?" Why, indeed... But, we did. And given the chance, I think we both would've done it all over again.

Well anyway, those "things" I should really show you are more humiliating than anything. The video and pics from MY jump, in particular, were quite humbling... We were mic'd as well, so you can hear me gasping for air and repeating, "Oh my god... Oh my god... Oh my god... It's BEEAAUUTIFUL..." the whole god damn way down. It sounds like I'm climaxing. THEN, if that's all not bad enough, you should see what my nostrils do at 13,000 feet, plummeting toward the earth at 80 miles per hour...

Yeah. Exactly. NOT pretty. I think the instructor that I was strapped to wondered what the hell was slowing us down. Little did he know that my nostrils double as parachutes. By the time we reached the ground, my nostrils could reach the back of my head.

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