Igor's Big Monster — HERCULANEUM

Okay... So, I've got to be honest. I've been suffering some depression this Summer. I'm overwhelmed with grim news of the decaying environment - the giant fucking oil disaster in the Gulf was a real kick in my balls - and our ridiculous congress dropping the ball (not surprisingly) on real legislation for protecting our environment, our world, literally our home - that might as well have been another kick in my poonany.

I receive so many damn emails daily of atrocities towards animals and humanity, I usually just want to crawl back into bed. Or pour whiskey into my coffee. Or just pour whiskey into my whiskey.

And much of the time, I feel like this,

like I'm holding back a giant asshole in a diaper.

Well, the other day, Will and I went to see the film, Coco Chanel and Igor Stravinsky. It was alright... I really wouldn't recommend seeing it. The story line was kind of weak. And I've never been a big fan of Stravinsky's work, so the music alone made me want to pull my teeth out. Or better yet, pull someone else's teeth out. However, the music combined with the ballet was certainly easier to take and made more sense. And once I was educated on just exactly what was going on, it was actually inspiring and invigorating. So, I suppose my previous dislike of it and judgment of something that I really knew nothing about said more about me than his work.

Well, besides all of that, there was a quote in the film that got me.

In May 1913, when Stravinsky debuted his ballet "The Rite of Spring" in Paris, the crowd literally freaked out. They were jeering and booing and walking out - just in the first few minutes. It was quite a painful scene - a riot, in fact. I watched the scene in the film uncomfortably as a performer and an artist and thought what guts people have to keep going when they're being ridiculed with such hostility. I would like to think that I would go on with my performance... But knowing myself a little too well, I think I would've probably bent over and showed all those fuckers my hole.

Here's a recreation of the exact choreography that debuted in The Rite of Spring, if you're so inclined:

The French audience was used to more conventional ballets - something more refined and traditional, like Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. And during this debut, they were literally punching one another before intermission and the fuzz had to show up. But, even as the second act resumed, so did the punching. They were out-of-control. It was out of their comfort zone. (I would pay money to have witnessed that...)

Stravinsky was mortified. Understandably. But, one of his homeboys said to him, "Igor, my big, strapping, Russian-vho-keeps-me-varm-in-cold-Rusky-Vinters, homosexual, lover-vith-vodka-on-top, Igor, (or something like that), Vhat do you do vhen convronted by a monster?"

And Igor said, "I put that bad-boy IN MY MOUTH, BISH!"

NNNOOOOO!!!

Okay, for real now. Igor just kind of looked at him blankly like, I dunno, run, bish?

And his comrade continued, "You sing."

And I thought, Yeah, bish. You sing. Loudly. And as beautiful as you can.

It's what sets you apart from the monsters.

So, if you'll allow me... A little flashback.

***Disclaimer: Igor Stravinsky was not a homosexual. Monsieur Kevin Charnas merely chose the term for comedic effect.

***Disclaimer #2: Monsieur Kevin Charnas doesn't usually go by "Monsieur". He prefers Mademoiselle. Or Madame Oh La La on special occasions. Merci beaucoup. ******************************