"Do You Have A Card?"

Two old girlfriends from high school ran into one another while out one day. They hadn’t seen one another for at least 10 years. One of the women, Jennifer, was now a very proud Mother of two and had decided to put her career on hold while staying home to raise the children. She certainly had her hands full with the family and managing the household. She missed the outside work force, but her life had become so hectic that she really seldom had time to miss anything, except for sleep.

The other woman, Sally had chosen a different path for her life. She had often thought of being a mother, but now she had her hands full of something else.

Jennifer: “Oh my GOD! Is that you Sally? It’s been forever! How are you???”

Sally: “Wow…Jen, it HAS been forever…you look great! The last time I saw you; we were both throwing up over Teddy Cavel’s front porch! Remember that?”

Jennifer: “Unfortunately, I do…and even more unfortunate was poor Mrs. Cavel who was walking up the path below us completely unaware that there was a cloud of puke ready to descend upon her! Poor thing…that was just awful! She was covered in it…it was like we both tag-teamed her. I was so embarrassed and my parents were furious! Although, they didn’t care for Edna Cavel, they later confessed to me that she was a super bitch, but at the time…whew, I was in trouble!”

Sally: “Oohhh!!! I think about that sometimes and just cry with laughter! So, look at you! Do these two precious little bundles belong to you?”

Jen: “They do…I’m very very lucky. Joseph is 3 and Jamie is 14 months. They’re a handful, but I’ve never been happier. How about you? What are you doing these days?”

Sally: “Oh well…um…I thought maybe you heard?”

Jen: “I heard something about you working for the State Department in D.C. but that was a while ago. Are you… Joseph! Don't do! Mommy says, don't do! Honey! The plant needs that dirt! Sweetie...good boy... Sorry about that, are you still there? Joseph! Honey, Jamie does NOT need her hair combed with that racecar... Joseph! Sorry…are you still at the State Department?”

Sally: “Well…not exactly. Here’s my business card. I used to be a crack ho in D.C. and a LOT of people who worked for the State Department were my clients. But now, I’ve cleaned myself up, I got rid of the clap, the gonorrhea, the herpes is under control and has gone dormant, the hepatitis is history, I shook off the crabs, got my anus bleached and now I’m a new woman! I’m doing FILMS! Can you believe it? My name actually isn’t ‘Sally’ anymore, it’s Fantasia Porkenheimer. Just scratch out that place on the card that says, “Crack Ho”, ‘cause you know, I’m an actress now. You should check out my latest film; "Fantasia and Her Magic Falafel”. Oh, it’s excellent! It has a whole Middle Eastern theme and there’s camels and tents and sand and TONS of back door action! It’s probably my best yet. Would you like my autograph?”

Jen: “Ah…sure…I mean, I guess.”

Fantasia: “Fantaaaaiiiisssiaa Porrrkkkeenheimmerrrr…there ya go! Do YOU have a card?”

Suddenly Jen felt on the spot. I mean, here, Sally…or Fantasia had this blossoming and glamorous career as a Super Duper Porn Star and was gracing cable screens in hotel rooms across America for 3 to 4 minute intervals at a time and even had a business card! But then Jen remembered, SHE HAD A BUSINESS CARD TOO! After all, she was in the Mommy Business, which she happened to think was a tad more respectable. And why shouldn’t she have a business card? She got awfully tired of writing her name and contact information down on napkins and pieces of envelopes that she had salvaged from her purse to hand off to other mothers or fathers whom she met at the playground or the preschool.

So, she reached inside her purse and she said, “As a matter of fact I do have a card. Here you go.” And she thought to herself in triumph, stick THAT in your Clorox ass, bitch.

Fantasia seemed caught off guard and really thought that she had one up on Jen, having her own business cards, a freshly bleached anus AND an action “packed” career, but she was wrong…dead wrong.

Would you like FREE Mommy Cards? Then please visit http://www.freemommycards.com/ if you are so inclined. And if you find them helpful, please tell your friends.