HERCULANEUM

"I don't like putting my hands down by my fur burger. It's icky and I get all confused. And sometimes I think I hear it growling... And it scares me."

NO FUN FOR ANYONE!

All newborn males born in Delaware will receive THIS, compliments of the special "Hands-Off, Bishes" Fund or "HOBF" for those who don't have "time" to pronounce things. Or for those who "pronounce" things... prematurely.

(Anti Masturbation Device French c1880) - And I thought my man-panties were uncomfortable.

Delaware Masturbators March Against O’Donnell

Harley Farger, a leading Delaware masturbator and planner of the Million Masturbators March, said it was difficult to organize masturbators “because they’re used to acting alone.”

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Libertea

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

2010 Election

Fox News

******

When I think of people who don't masturbate, I think of...

Yeah... NOT good. You think we fight too much NOW??

Just wait.

Christine? If I may interrupt you for a moment... Miss O'Donnell?

(She's talking about how big she thinks my balls are...) Miss O'Donnell?

Miss O'Donnell? Hello?

CHRISTINE???

EXCUSE ME!!

Thank you...

I have a question for you. Or rather a suggestion...

(She's pissed, but curious.)

We here at kevincharnas.com, or Herculaneum or whatever I call this place, would like to encourage you to have a glass of wine, or four, and don't be afraid to touch your cooter. It's okay. It's aallll going to be okay.

In fact, it will be better than okay.

And you know what, Christine? That growling that you hear? Yeah? That's because you're NOT touching your pie. Okay? It's like when your stomach growls because it's hungry.

You know what, gang? LET'S GIVE HER OUR BEST O-FACE!! K? ARE YOU WITH ME??

I'll go first...

Gomez is getting me ready... A little to the right, Mez.