HERCULANEUM

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When the ghost of Christmas Past

was really E.T. Or a lamp.

And when the ghost of Christmas Past

was really a K.K.K. Drag Queen. (Not scary, by the way, bish... Not scary at all.)

And when the ghost of Christmas Past

was Paris Hilton holding a GIANT sperm. (TOTALLY scary. I don't even know what the hell is going on here. So, don't ask me. I just work here.)

ADORABLE,

but Santa had NO idea he was holding a vampire child. I bet that cute, little blood-sucker got a mouth full of hair when she went for his neck. Yuk.

Speaking of vampires...

What the hell is this?

Nice blood coming from her eye.

Talk about the nightmare before Christmas... Thanks for that.

I bet that psycho doll got him shortly after they left the North Pole. She waited quietly until they were airborne, then she crawled out the bag of toys and CHOMP. Or that little vampire bish managed to get through all the hair.

Okay... back to the Ghost of Christmas Past...

the toilet paper Ghost of Christmas Past. I don't even really know what to say here, except I could wipe my ass with that.

And speaking of not knowing what to say...

Umm...

Who's idea WAS THIS?

AND THEN...

You drew boobs on her. Okay, that's cool. I was worried you wouldn't redeem yourselves.

And gosh, I almost forgot what Christmas used to be like

at The White House.

So... naked Santa in a bag.

And not really Santa half-in-the-bag, but rather

half a Santa in a bag. I have a feeling he has black boots on... Or he's a double amputee. And if he's not, then that means he's naked except for his hat and boots. And that's kind of naughty. But, I like it.

I can't even begin to imagine...

what kind of "Christmas Adventures" Steve Austin was having... But apparently, there were four of them. I'm kind of creeped out right now.

And back when Davie didn't really want to BE a fireman...

He just wanted to DO firemenz... (Let's not lie. It's obvious he had a Christmas fire that needed put out. Or stoked.)

And really... Last, but not least... What Christmas past is complete without

a picture of the kids in their Underoos in front of the Christmas tree? Nice ornaments, kids.

Here's hoping that your Holiday Season is worth remembering.

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