I Won't Be IGNORED, Dan...

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So, I don't know about you, but the above shit drives me crazy. It's just SO damn easy to reply to an email... And so many bishes don't. It's enough to send me over the edge sometimes... (We're back to "bishes", bishes. BiTHes just didn't have the same ring.)

I'm all calling or emailing, while I'm painting my toenails...

And me and my dried out rat's nest I call "hair" wait...

And we wait...

And then, we begin to get angry... Even though we're wearing something pretty, lacy and silky, we're still getting angry...

And we're all, "We won't be IGNORED, Dan..." (Because the guilty party should ALWAYS be named "Dan".)

And then before I know it, we're sitting on the floor turning lights off and on and off and on and off and on and... Well...

We flip more than the switch and do something inappropriate. Like cook rabbit stew. With your rabbit.

I'll blame it on my hair's conditioner. Yeah. If you haven't heard, Garnier's Fructis makes you totally psycho.

But, you don't buy that alibi.

And then YOU'RE all reaching through the bathroom door and grabbing my perm-damaged hair, which if I do say so myself, is a little over-the-top. Like it isn't a wreck already, you've got to be pulling on that shit.

And then, THEN, like that's not bad enough, you be slammin' my stank face into the bathroom door, which again, I think is a little uncalled for. Glass windows do NOTHING for your skin, Dan. But, whatever... (See why I don't like smiling for pictures? Although, my boobs do look totally hot.)

But then, I'm chopping onions and you don't care for the way THAT'S going, so you totally grab my wrist

which obviously makes my left nipple erect and I almost knock a hundred dollars worth of spices all over the fucking floor. Thanks a lot, Dan.

So then, I'm just standing there dazed and confused in a frumpy, dingy, white dress with my poor boobs bra-less, wondering why you won't call or email, and why you hate it when I chop onions.

And then, you totally slam my head back into the bathroom door, still a little uncalled for... and still hating my smile in pictures...

And then, you shoot me between my bubbies, straight through my heart and all is fun and games until you get my back crap all over the bathroom tile and I sink into the abyss of a tub full of lukewarm water with a ruined dress. Dead.

And all you had to do was hit "Reply", Dan.

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