HERCULANEUM

Title #2: Dancers Are Total Badasses Title #3: Swan Rake, Rattres and Rorrs (and Kevin Shakes, Sputters and Spews) - This was the original title. But then, I thought more about it and besides it being stupid, I realized it's kind of gross... I meant my "sputters and spews" to be a reference to my following verbal nonsense... nothing else. But, it sounds kind of dirty. My apologies...

Okay, so my Mom sent me the above video... And it's really quite brilliant. Stunning, in fact. Sometimes I forget how badass dancers really are... And when she's actually en pointe on HIS SHOULDER??? (The dancer, not my mom.) It's crazy, bishes...

Besides the shear strength and discipline... A full on piece of art outside the frame... moving and breathing and LIVING, 3-dimensional without computer graphic enhancement. Live theater - the real deal in real time.

I think sometimes we take it for granted. I know I do... And being a performer, I really shouldn't. So, what the hell is wrong with me?

All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies... ***********************

Now put your hands up, Up in the club, we just broke up, I'm doing my own little thing. Decided to dip and now you wanna trip 'Cause another brother noticed me... (lyrics compliments of Beyonce.) ***********************

SHAAZZAAMM!! *************************

Now THOSE are some frog legs worth gnawin' on.

Okay... I'm just going to shut my pie-hole so we can enjoy a few more images in silence.

(Oh my god, you have NO IDEA how difficult it is for me to not say something right now.)

(Oohh-oohh! AND NOW!! DAMN IT!)

So, just like any truly great art, it makes the unbearable, bearable.

And just HOW do the Chinese get so limber as to do that amazing work up there with girlfriend Ho Chi Minh (WHO you callin' ho, ho?) standing on boyfriend's Mao Tse Tong's (WHO said "tongue"? I dint say "tongue". Did YOU say "tongue"? Ssheeiitt...) shoulder? Well, I'll tell you how. After all, I couldn't leave you without a little something extra... (And you're going to have to forgive me. Some of the below pics are re-posts that I did some time ago. But, I can't find the original posts they were in to link to them, so you're just going to have to deal. And in regards to my lame jokes with the names, THEY CAN'T ALL BE GOOD, PEOPLE... sheesh.)

You KNOW that she's all like,

"Okay, not ONRY have you decided to put my vagina and my bung hore ON TOP OF MY HEAD and dress me in bad "snake skin", you took a pictaa of it. Thanks. Thanks a rot. As if my bent spine isn't enough to remind me, now we have pictaas. Perfect."

THIS just looks like so much fun,

I can't even tell you... I mean, WHERE DO I SIGN?

And ladies and gentlemen, please let me introduce to you, Miss Woo-Bend-U, and her adorable daughter with a really sweet cherub, tear-streaked face, stricken with pain,

Mee-Bend-NOW. (And just a side note, that's really wonderful that you can bend someone ELSE until their hole is on top of their own head and everything, but it'd be GREAT if you both could find someone different to do your hair. 'Cause that shit's a disaster. Thanks.)

And what the hell is with these pictures ANYWAY??? Are they for an INSTRUCTION booklet on how to bend kids in half??? What... They're easier to carry that way?

THEN, as if it isn't enough all on its own, they throw their asses in water.

"I can't berieve that those asshores bend us in harf, put our own ass-cracks on top of our heads and take pictaas, then they throw us in water and take mo pictaas. ASSHORES! ARR OF THEM!"

Those women up there, no doubt from the ancient tribes of Ghengis Khan obviously never came across THIS CUPCAKE.

Try bending THAT bish. And I don't think you'd want to put his hole anywhere other than precisely where it is... Can you imagine HIM standing on your shoulder, en pointe or otherwise? Yeah... exactly. The last thing to go through your mind would be that fucking tiara on the top of his head. Or that bun on that back of it. Either way you'd be jacked. He wouldn't even know you're under him. NO ONE would.

On the bright side, you'd be easier to carry.

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