HERCULANEUM

Five-year-old Romanian weightlifter becomes Internet star

Is anyone else freaked out by this??

A FIVE YEAR OLD BODYBUILDER??

Now, it's Romania. So, I know that this is nothing new in the land of... ... there. But, I happen to find something a little askew with this.

I've been emotionally tired lately, which I need to fill you in on the reasons why, but until then, I must demonstrate my inane sensibilities yet again.

I just find this whole video disturbing.

The little kid is grunting and flexing and flipping off tables and walls and all around for that matter, while his ignored siblings just dance haphazardly in the background like derelicts.

Shouldn't he be dancing haphazardly like a derelict too?

I mean, isn't that what you do at five? Isn't that what you do as long as you can?? (Much to the chagrin of my parents, I'm still doing it.)

But still, shouldn't he be dancing around like he's retarded and I don't know... pushing his siblings over or something?

Instead, he looks like he could totally kick my ass.

And those SHORTS.

Those SHORT SHORTS.

LIKE HE'S SOME KIND OF BIZARRE CROSS BETWEEN

A well-muscled Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke

And that asshole

Chucky. How bad did I want to kill Chucky? Bad, I say.

So, yeah... A crazy cross between the two... His future you ask?

Well...

Voila! It's Daisy Chucky Duke... with sprinkles of tattoo on top. (How YUMMIE is this pic?! I'm really not sure what's worse; his terrible haircut, that hideous tattoo, or those shorts... He's just one big disaster.)

I just don't get it. The whole bodybuilding thing at five years old... And those shorts getting eaten by Daisy Chucky Duke's ass.

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And as a bonus pic and commentary? Because I KNOW you want one, don't lie.

Well, we have...

This little number. And if one of those strings breaks? God help the person on the receiving end of a flying boob or a ricocheting labia. Oh sure, it's AALLLLL fun and games until someone loses their eye to ricocheting labium.

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