The Desert Island Tag

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My apologies for when my blog went incognito as a blank screen. A friend who hosts the site on his server had run out of space and I don't know...blew it up or some such nonsense. So, after Eva Las Vegas encouraged me to go Donna Martin on his ass and I'm quoting Kristin here, "Donna Martin would not tolerate this... I'm just saying...", which makes me crack up everytime I read it, all is right with the blog again.

I have been contemplating for a day and a half what I would want on this Desert Island, because I have been tagged BY Kristin over at Eva Las Vegas. And I am really having a hard time of it. When I contemplate too long on it, I feel a drip of perspiration form at the base of my neck and work itself down the arch of my back to my firm yet supple ass. So, I'm just going to start rattling things off...

1. Our dogs. Gomez and Wednesday Addams - we've been through too much together to not take them with me.

2. Will. I've waited too long for him to come along to not take him with me either.

3. Fresh water, red wine and vodka...with olives. These liquids can be in equal measure, if I have to sacrifice any of them, well then...I'm going to have to kick ass. But before I do, I'll have a bit of that vodka.

4. Lots of fresh fruits, vegetables, sushi and wasabi w/ soy sauce... and Greek Spaghetti and...and...say it Kevin, "OKAY! ALRIGHT! JEEZ!" Dorito's and Kit Kat's...damn it.

5. James Marsden and Hugh Jackman to serve us and clean up after us. I know that they're cheesie poofs, I don't want them to talk, I just want them in loin cloths and working and dropping things a lot, so that they must bend over in order to pick them up...that's all.

6. For conversation, David Sedaris and Nancy Giles.

7. I'll be able to get enough exercise with everything on the island - swimming, hiking, climbing trees, juggling coconuts, but what will I use for a speed-punching bag? Humm...what else could I use? I don't want to use food, I hate wasting food. I don't want to truly hurt anything worth while like a tree or any vegetation. Think Kevin... I'm thinking George W. with a duct taped mouth...You know what? I'm going to be nice, I don't want him to be lonely inbetween beatings, so his wife can be duct taped to him. You guys, see? Duct tape DOES have so many uses.

8. Books, books and more books. Shit, I don't even know where to begin on that one...

9. Music. Ugh...that's another one. Mozart to Tchaikovsky's March Slav to U2 to Louie Armstrong to aaahhhhh!!! Latin, Greek, Italian - all world music and even (*complete dork alert - complete dork alert*) polka music. I'm a buttlick- I know, I can't help it, polka music puts me in the BEST mood ever. It's all just too much, just bring me all the music. And the video of Nina Persson from the Cardigans singing that song, "Love me, love me! Say that you love me!
Fool me! Fool me! Go on and fool me..." aahhh... I have the biggest crush on her singing in that video. I know I'm an ass, it's been like 10 years since that song and video hit and I don't even know anything else they ever sang. But, it doesn't matter...all that matters is Nina singing that song to me with that "Pull off my panties right now you bastard!" look. I know I'm gay, okay...it's confusing sometimes.

10. Pen, paper, laptop... and high speed access.

11. A Frisbee.

12. A mandolin, a guitar and a violin...maybe even a harmonica...and a hot teacher in a loin cloth to teach me these, who occasionally drops things.

13. A really good mattress with Egyptian cotton sheets, lots of pillows (see? I'm still gay) and mosquito netting.

14. I just realized that I put the dogs before Will. tee hee hee. shit...

15. Wigs and sunglasses. Because wigs and sunglasses ALWAYS make things more fun.

16. Paints, canvasses, sketch books, sculpting crap, - hell, all supplies an artist needs - for Will.

17. Snorkel gear and a sailboat. I promise I won't leave the island area, but I really want the sailboat.

18. Hmmm...I also need a kick-boxing partner. I don't kick box, but I think that if I had a good enough partner I'd really like to learn. Hmmm...I think that duct tape is in order again... NO! I don't need no frickin' duct tape for this one! Mr. Dickhead Cheney to be allowed in a certain section of the island (like a 20 x 20 section) and when I'm feeling in the mood I go flying in there and KICK serious old white man ass. HIIII - YYAAA!!! KKAAA - RATE CHOP!

19. Cement. Because when I've grown tired of my speed-punching bag and my kick-boxing partner, I'll need the cement to fit these two with shoes and then take them swimming...out a ways. Laura can stay...and tend to my books.

20. A telescope. Can you imagine the sky at night out there?