A Barrel, Icarus's Waxed Wings, And Longevity

Well, I'm back in our new home in beautiful Cleveland Heights, Ohio. I haven't seen Spring in 10 years and it's magnificent. Stunning, in fact. And with Cleveland Heights being such a historical city, the old growth trees of Maple, Oak, Sycamore and Elm are unbelievable. The Dogwoods and Azaleas are in full bloom, while the Rhododendrons that I missed so much are ready to flower right around the corner. I forgot how green, lush and dense the foliage is here.

I left Santa Barbara on the red-eye literally the night before the Jesusita Fire broke out. And luckily, the heat and winds died down and most residents returned home, while some weren't so lucky...

Some friends of ours were evacuated, while Will's family was on stand-by alert. It was all happening so fast. It was shocking to know that they were actually evacuating areas all the way down to State Street, which happens to be the City's center.

I had been hiking with a friend of ours on Jesusita Trail the week before, coincidentally where the fire broke out. AND we had candy cigarettes dripping from our sassy lips while we were hiking.

WHY did we have candy cigs with us? I dunno. You'd have to know Melissa, then you'd understand that it seemed perfectly normal at the time.

Melissa is the gorgeous bride on the right. Yes. The one in white with the poofie thing on her left boob. Our dear friend Zen (the hottie in the corset) was gyrating on me making my crotch apparently turn barrel-like. Seriously, what is up with that? Look at my peep in that pic! It looks like a barrel.

OHHH... I REMEMBER NOW!! Yeah.... I remember...

That's because it IS A BARREL!!

Yes, it's all coming back to me now.

I'm sure that it didn't help that our goddess friend Diana and our sleepy-time whizzer-on-our-couch (which is now Zen's couch) Kristen were behind me playing and spanking on my bootie.

It was perfect timing that Melissa's wedding coincided with my trip to Santa Barbara. I only wished that Will had been there.

But seriously, what's up with the barrel? I'm rather impressed with myself. So, don't spoil it and tell me it's bunched-up cotton, k?

Well, I read a recent article that I wanted to share with you all. Many of you know that Jennifer Aniston and myself are both Greek. Well, more specifically, I'm Icarian. My Father's family is from a small Greek island in the Aegean named Icaria.

And I still have family that live there.

You may know it from the legend of Icarus? No? Well, Icarus was the

"Son of Daedalus who dared to fly too near the sun on wings of feathers and wax. Daedalus had been imprisoned by King Minos of Crete within the walls of his own invention, the Labyrinth. But the great craftsman's genius would not suffer captivity. He made two pairs of wings by adhering feathers to a wooden frame with wax. Giving one pair to his son, he cautioned him that flying too near the sun would cause the wax to melt." (source)

But Icarus became crazy-giddy with the ability to fly because he was a big silly-nelly and forgot his father's warning. The feathers came loose as the wax melted, thus tickling his scrotum and Icarus plunged to his death in the sea and totally dislocated his penis and received the enema of his life... or death... whichever way you want to look at it. (By the way, nice hair, bish.)

I mean, how dumb was THAT silly?

Pretty to look at, yes. But not much going on upstairs...

Oh well, it's a good thing that Icarians DO have a lot going on. Or at least, their "going ons" go on for a long time...

Here are some excerpts from the article that you might be interested in... 'Cause speaking of "silly bishes", I want all y'alls to live a long, healthy life.

"Our life spans are about 20 percent dictated by our genes, Buettner says. The rest is lifestyle. People in Icaria live in mountain villages that necessitate activity every day. "They have gardens," he says, for example. "If they go to church, if they go to their friends' house — it always occasions a small walk. But that ends up burning much more calories than going to a gym for 20 minutes a day."

"They also have a diet that's very interesting," Buettner continues. "It's very high in olive oil; it's very high in fruits and vegetables." It's also very high in greens; about 150 kinds of veggies grow wild on the island. "These greens have somewhere around 10 times the level of antioxidants in red wine."

And though they live on an island, Icarians don't eat much fish. Buettner says pirates pushed the culture up in the highlands and villagers couldn't depend on the sea as much as might be expected.

Particularly unusual to this new blue zone are the villagers' drinking habits. Tea drinking, that is. Icarians drink herbal teas every day, morning and night, Buettner says. This seems to be one of their secrets to longer living."

The Island Where People Live Longer

Unless they're flying too close to the Sun with wings made of wax.

The Lament For Icarus by Herbert James Draper, (1864-1920)

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