Britainia's Story and Tardo's Story (two separate entries)

in

Here are two more of the letters/inquiries that came in from the contest.

*** From Tardo:

"im would like the ring for me andmy wife ill tell you how we met are what youd like to know my email is:"

Dear Tardo,

I already asked you to write in, fucker. I don't need to beg for your story. AND DOESN'T ANYONE USE CAPITAL LETTERS OR FUCKING PUNCTUATION? Or SPACES for that matter? CHEESE-WHIZZ OF NAZARETH!!

Tardo, I actually would like to throw a toaster-oven at you... Or spaghetti. I wouldn't mind throwing spaghetti at you.

I take that back. I really like spaghetti. Just smaller appliances... I'd like to throw smaller appliances at you andyour wife.

Take Care and try grammar for once.

Sincerely,
Kevin

*** From "Britainia":

"Ok well me and my better half have been together 4 years and we are getting married this summer at city hall because we really don't have much money we have known each other since we where kids and when we where about 8 he put one of those onion ring chips on my finger it was the cutest thing ever as I was saying we don't have much money but we love each other a lot and I will wait for rings but if you could help out it will be so much off his mind
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry"

Dear Britainia,

I hope that this finds you well. Again, no punctuation and just full-on run-away sentences. I can't tell you how fucking annoying that is... And the onion ring chip is adorable, it's true, especially if I were retarded. I'm not sure that it "was the cutest thing EVER", but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and take your word for it. However, you're telling me that you don't have much money, but you sent it on a Blackberry. It could be an out-dated Blackberry by now, I know. But, still.

No punctuation and a Blackberry. And really, "please, we're broke" isn't what I was looking for... So, what's really quite progressive about the onion ring chip is that... Well, you can eat it when you get pissed at him. Or when you get tired of it and the flies that keep swarming around your hand, you can upgrade to a pretzel.

Thanks for writing in, though.

Congratulations on your engagement! I'm glad you found one another. Really glad.
Best Regards,
Kevin

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