There's Strength In River Otters

So, yesterday my head almost blew off my body. It began at 8 a.m. when our real estate agent called. I'll get into that in another post, just know that my hair stood up on end I was so pissed. And my eyes may have turned red...it's certain, in fact. My eyes turned red and Satan even shivered.

Well, then, already in a ripe mood, I took the dogs out for our morning walk and I ran into a neighbor who happens to wear

Daisy Dukes ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I'm not kidding. It's awful.

HE even wears them in Winter.

And he thinks he's a

badass Navy Seal...or something.

(Photo by Richard Schoenberg) But, he's not. The Navy Seals that I've met and worked with years ago were never so arrogant. They didn't need to be.

This guy walks around in his short-shorts exposing WAY too much of his stick legs strutting as though one of these

poor logs were trapped in his rectum. That very well might be the case, which would explain everything.

I've often wanted to scream, "HEY, DAISY DUKE! WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU FINGER YOUR OWN HOLE FOR MOST OF THE DAY, SO WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT A BREAK!!"

He drives a big ole truck to compensate for his tiny

fuzzy bubbles.

And I can't stand him...If you hadn't gathered.

Well, Daisy and I had a run-in yesterday. I didn't appreciate the way that he and that log up his ass and his tiny bubbles almost walked into me and the dogs, so I told him so.

And he didn't like that very much. But, that's okay, 'cause I didn't care very much for his attitude either, so we were even.

He told me something along the lines of "DON'T MESS WITH ME! YOU'LL REGRET IT!!"

So, then, because I was Satan and was ready to destroy all life as we know it, I stood my ground asking him with my arms stretched out so I looked like a ninja warrior ready to fucking pounce, (okay, maybe not a "ninja warrior" per se, but I looked limber, k? Even my back was nicely arched.) "Just what is it you plan to do? What is it you think that you're going to do that I'll regret? 'Cause I'm a really nice guy, but I'm quite capable of wiping your face all over the pavement." Then, I strategically added, "You should really calm down..."

This of course, just made him more angry, which sadly, was my intention.

He screamed back, "I'LL MAKE YOU PAY! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY!!"

And I stood there almost snickering (which infuriated him even more) and continued my interrogation, "So, HOW am I going to pay? Tell me."

He turned, adjusted the logs in his ass and strutted back to his lair, where he's probably planning my demise as I write this...and inserting more logs.

I'm not proud of egging him on even more, but I really have a hard time letting bullies get away with being bullies. Hopefully, one of these days I won't get shot...or dragged by Sarah Palin's El Camino. (Sorry, I had to.)

Well, I had that tightness in my chest all day, that comes with stress and confrontation. But, as the day wore on and I talked with Will and then a couple of neighbors and some friends, I started to relax and remember what goodness surrounds me. What great people I know and am proud to know. And things didn't seem so bad. And it reminded me what strength there is in numbers...that can drive the most sinister of things away.

So, speaking of strength, I have a confession...

River Otters make me weak in my knees. They're just SO fricking cute I CAN'T STAND IT! I want to hear their little plush-toy squeak and smush them to my face. Although, they'd no doubt rip my nose and lips off and gouge my eyeballs out. But still...

So, anyway, in this video, these FUCKING ADORABLE River Otters stand up to a CROCODILE! SERIOUSLY IMPRESSIVE. So, besides being so god damn cute? They're total badasses.

And remember, my brothers and sisters, there's strength in numbers, so we need to stick together. Got it? Good.