Trippin'

Well, I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

Will and I are actually leaving this evening for a 3 week vacation. We are taking the dogs and DRIVING to Ohio.

What...was...I THINKING???

Clearly, I wasn't.

So, here's the skinny; our dear friend who usually dog-sits/house-sits for us will be gone over the holiday season. And we don't have the heart to put our dogs into a kennel.

They'd freak.

And we'd freak.

And we don't need more freaks.

And, I have a heart, so we can't fucking put them in CARGO on an airplane. I'd rather give them my seat and put myself in cargo. Or put the assholes-who-get-up-before-we-arrive-at-the-gate in cargo and give them their seats.

And, they're too big to take on the plane and put under the seat.

So...We're driving. And another storm is hitting right where we're going to be driving through.

Will and I have been frantic all week (hence my absence...you probably didn't even notice) trying to get everything accomplished that we needed to; work-related things, Christmas shopping, banking, getting our nails done, getting fresh perms, and finding places to stay that take dogs and in areas where we won't be hung up on a fence and shot, or dragged down the road by Billy Bob's El Camino, or eaten.

We're leaving tonight and driving straight through to Santa Fe. Do you remember what the dogs did last year on our way to Taos? Yeah? So do we. And I'm sure that the locksmith remembers as well...I'm sure that she (and other people at the gas station) at least remembers us screaming.

We'll be in Santa Fe for a few days, then onto Nashville. If we don't roll the car and land in a snow-drift first. Then, onto Warren, Ohio, where I grew up.

We haven't been back in 2 years and I miss it like crazy.

So, I just really wish that I had time to tell you about

Tim's 40th Birthday party that we were happy to attend in the Hollywood Hills last Saturday night.

I wish I had time to tell you how we rubbed elbows with the likes of Dave from Rattling the Kettle, or how we rubbed fur-covered butts with Whit from The Honea Express, or how we bumped boobs with his beautiful and charming wife Tricia. (We now have a crush on Whit and Tricia and have informed them that the next time we see them we'll be sticking our tongues in their mouths. I haven't heard anything back yet.)

Whit and I were mysteriously wearing almost the same chocolate brown velvet sport coat. What was more amazing is that we were wearing the SAME THING

underneath it all. Everyone said that I looked better in mine. Sorry, Whit. Maybe next time.

Obviously, this is where Whit showed me his penis.

I wish that I had time to tell you how bright and engaging Liz Rizzo is from Everyday Goddess. And how much I thoroughly enjoyed talking with her. Although, her boyfriend (who sadly wasn't able to attend) has fantastic hair and the next time I see him, I might have to slap him around a little and pull his hair.

Here's Liz looking beautiful and glam. Tim had begun cutting some serious stinkers at this point and apparently Liz hadn't smelled them yet. Ohhhh, but I did.

And I wish that I had time to have visited with Lisa and Kim more. I'm terrible. I can pick them out, but I didn't get their cards, so I can't remember their blog sites. FOR SHAME!!! Lisa and Kim...please forgive me. And at this point, I just hope that those are your names. And if you read this, please comment or email me and I'll linky-linky-tonguey-spanky.

Karen, Tim's hottie of a wife was there with their latest creation; Abigail. She's beeaaauuutiful.

And how flattering is it that they named her after me? "Abigail" means "Kevin" in Swahili. You didn't know that, did you? The fortunate part is that "Kevin" in Swahili means "beautiful shimmering lake with gorgeous ducks and geese and Weeping Willows and a really hot rockin' ass".

See? You learn something everyday.

Sooo...I guess I don't really have time to tell you how Jane and I made out for at least 30 minutes, which just seemed like a teaser.

And speaking of teasers, Neil from Citizen of the Month walked up and said; "OH! I REALLY hoped you were coming! Bye."

Thanks, Neil.

So, I guess I don't have time to tell you how we sat around a table all night drinking and laughing and literally rubbing elbows. Between the wit and banter that was flying around from Liz, Dave, Whit, Tricia, Tim and Karen, my brain was back-firing and sputtering to keep up. They're ALL very funny, bright, kind and engaging people to be around.

What was truly nice is that we felt like we've known them for at least 2 weeks.

Whit kept cracking on my age, which caught me off-guard and was hysterical EVERY time. And Tim was just as ruthless with me. They seemed like brothers. At one point, Tim basically asked; "So, with you guys being gay and being dudes, are you like, having sex ALL the time 'cause there's no one there to say "NO"?"

Whit kept calling Will "Boo-Boo Kitty", which was just so fucking funny. And Will just kept drinking. So, by the time we were departing and we were walking out the door with Whit and Tricia, Will had turned into this guy,

Stuart from MAD TV.

I said; "Will? Did you say 'Goodbye' to Tim?"

And he began kind of running around the back patio while I was holding the door open shaking his head back and forth and replied in a sing-songy voice; "NOOO!"

And I said; "Will? Are you going to come in to say 'Goodbye' to Tim?"

And he proceeded to run and skip a little bit and shaking his head he replied again in that "Stuart" voice; "NOOOO..."

And it fully dawned on me how drunk he was when I looked in shock at Whit and Tricia and said; "Holy shit. He's ripped."

So, I said again; "Will...You should REALLY come in and say 'Goodbye' to Tim."

And...HE KEPT RUNNING AROUND and replied; "NNOOOOoooooooo...I don't WANNA!"

My eyes began to pop out of my head as I looked at Whit and tried to stifle a laugh and said; "WILL!!! GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!"

He proceeded to run around even MORE, profusely shaking his head and replied once again in that sing-songy voice; "NNNoooooo! YOU!"

My nostrils flared and I began to snarl and said; "WILL!!! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!! YOU PROBABLY HAVE TO GO PEE-PEE BEFORE WE GET ON THE ROAD ANYWAY!!"

Tim had brought shots of scotch to the table earlier in the evening, of which Whit and I strategically declined. Will did not. So, thanks for that, Tim. The ride home was loads of fun.

And if you don't know "Stuart",

Here he is in all his glory. So, picture Will acting like Stuart for an hour and 10 minute car ride back home at 2 in the morning. Yeah, fun.

We appropriately ended our evening in that fantastic tree house where we first got to know one another way back when.

And after we had our full on make-out sessions with one another, we just about broke our necks on the rain-soaked ladder that led us back down to ground.

So, I sincerely wish that I had time to tell you about all of that. But, what I DO have time for is to wish you, no matter where you are, or who you are, no matter what you celebrate, or IF you celebrate, I wish you,

Peace...

And Serenity...

For all of your days.