The Smart Cob

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I remember when Will and I first laid eyes on the Smart Car when we were in Paris last Spring.


They scared the shit out of me. As I am demonstrating in the above photo.

My penis is bigger than they are. But, I really think that goes without saying. I know where I'd sit in the car, but I'd have to tow a trailer for my peep.

As it is, I have to put my peep in the backseat, strapped in a car seat so it doesn't fly out and hurt someone.

I'm used to seeing so many people drive monster SUV's out here, most of them larger than my last apartment, that I can only imagine that the last thing to go through my mind if I were hit while driving a Smart Car would be...my penis in the trailer behind me.

Or my hole.

I suppose it would really be my hole seeing how the peep would fly up first.

I dunno. Now, I'm kind of confused.

But anyway, flying peeps and holes aside, for city driving, I bet they're fantastic. Although, I'd still be a little freaked. Now, if EVERYONE had them, then that'd be cool. I'm just worried about some fucker with tiny balls, and a big ole jacked-up truck having me and my car for lunch.

Well, the first round of Smart Cars coming to the States are already sold out.

Personally, I think that if we all rode corn-rockets; i.e. The "Smart Cob",


that would make much more sense.

Let's consider the benefits, shall we?

Yes, we shall.

***THE BENEFITS OF "THE SMART COB":

#1. It appears that you can carry more passengers than the Smart Car. It looks as though you could at least fit 3 more people on that cob.

#2. If you get stranded in the middle of no-where, you can eat it.
#2.a. And...if you...if you...um...pinch one...and need to wipe and are all out of paper, like during the Great Depression, one could use the cob to conduct a clean sweep. See? So versatile that "Smart Cob" is.

#3. I suppose it runs on Ethanol, which I'm told isn't too good for the environment either. I dunno...Maybe farts? Maybe we could get it to run on farts? But, then again, methane is bad for the environment too. I know, I know that sometimes it smells "green", but it's not. Okay? Damn it. Not a good selling point.

#4. You don't need to worry about crowded freeways...just airplanes, helicopters, hot air balloons, birds, satellites, Frisbee's and other rockets...and remnants of big hair...like from the 80's.


Trust me, you do NOT want to get your "Smart Cob" stuck in one of these, mm-kay?

#5. With enough fertilizer and TLC, you can grow one in your backyard...if you have a backyard big enough.

#6. You could probably park it standing up-right. I mean, it IS a rocket after all. The last time I checked, they park them standing up. It saves on space.

#7. I think it would make people happy. I mean really, look how happy she appears riding that Smart Cob. Now granted, I'm not stupid, she very well might be rubbing her burger all over that saddle. In fact, I hope that she is. If you've been put in a holding pattern and are waiting to land, why NOT rub one out?

So, there we have it. The coolness of "The Smart Cob". Coming soon to a corn-hole near you...checkered top not included.