The Christmas Parade

This past Christmas season, Will and I and his folks attended the Santa Barbara Christmas parade that was to take place on State Street. We rushed downtown to meet up with his parents, drove around amongst the traffic to find a parking place and just made it in time down the crowded street to find Will’s parents perched on a curbside waiting for the festivities to begin. It was shortly after Thanksgiving and we were anxious to begin our navigation into the Holiday season.

Well, the parade began…with a band, that didn’t play any music, which was then followed by a red truck; an indistinguishable red truck that had signs on either side of the truck shamelessly advertising the dealership that it had driven out of. There wasn’t even garland or holly hanging from the sides of it. Then some more cars with people that we didn’t know, waving, no garland, no holly, not even Christmas music coming from their radio! I began to wonder if we were just sitting on the side of the road with everybody else watching traffic. A couple of more bands marched by; none were playing any music. Then, 3 big Latino guys were marching, holding a banner that was announcing that the 3 other big Latino guys behind them with the drums were the only members of another high school band. If you’re confused, so were we. These guys at least did bang on their drums and walked proudly as though they were 200 strong.

Some more cars came by, from dealerships again with signs on the sides of the car advertising the radio disc jockeys that were sitting inside, unrecognizable to anyone. Regardless, they waved like royalty. Some little kids went by dancing to music that we couldn’t even distinguish what it was.

There were quite a few lulls in between the participating members, when suddenly out of no-where, a guy in an electric wheelchair with Christmas lights strung all over it and Christmas music blaring from his on-board stereo system, came buzzing down the middle of State Street. He was practically popping wheelies and the crowd went mad! Everyone was screaming and waving and cheering him. He did some round-abouts to feed the hungry crowd what they wanted. As he zoomed by, Will quietly said, “Tiiimmmmyyyy”, after the South Park character. I think that he jack-knifed about a block down because he was picking up speed as State Street is downhill. I loved it! Not the jack-knifing part, but he so far was the best part. However, I was a little perplexed. I looked around wondering if this was a customary Christmas parade in Santa Barbara. I’ve lived in Santa Barbara for the last 6 years and hadn’t even heard of the Christmas parade, for obvious reason I guess. Where I come from in Ohio, at least they throw candy from the trucks. And by the poor health of some of the people there, I guess that’s a good indicator that they’re gobbling it right down. As I looked around, no one seemed bothered by the lack of creativity in this parade.

I cackled, “Am I in the twilight zone? What the hell kind of parade is this? Where are the nutcrackers? Where are the floats? The carolers, the elves, a moving manger with the baby Jesus throwing Twinkies, a car with a fricking poinsettia on it, anything, give me anything!” Will got what I was talking about, but I think that his folks thought that I was probably over-reacting, which is quite possible. It looked more like a conga line of advertising for a few car dealerships and radio stations.

I sat there and shut up. Another lull. A pug nearby was keeping us entertained. He was running around wiping his ass on all of us. Then a bus from a retirement community came driving by, all of its residents were waving to us and we waved back. I wondered if they knew where they were. I wondered if it was fun for them. It was a little odd, but it was sweet and I kind of got a little choked up for a moment. And somehow the dude in the wheelchair and the retirement community bus made up for everything else. It was a good parade, a little weird, but it was good nonetheless. Who needed garland or holly or music or carolers or candy? They can keep the pomp and circumstance, I feel like we quietly celebrated the human spirit, by waving our hands.