The Filthy, Skeletal, Slut Gets Her Come-Up'ins...

You may remember me talking about the time that our filthy, skeletal slut of a neighbor called the cops on us and I WAS IN MY UNDERWEAR???

Yeah...that time.

Well, I have a follow-up for you.

Since the incident, we tried avoiding her as much as possible, which is difficult to do when considering the very nature of a slut. I'm certain that I don't have to tell you that a slut is someone (male or female) who tries to put as many things possible into their woo-woos.

So, naturally every time we would venture outdoors with the dogs, we would see her attempting to put various items, i.e. potted plants, the mailman, a lawn mower or vehicles into her cooch.

Yeah, it hasn't been pretty.

The home owners association, the U.S. Postal Service and the F.B.I. is working hard to get rid of her, but until then, we have had to suffer. As have her unfortunate victims.

When we'd see her, we'd obviously go the other way. We just don't fancy waking up in vagina-land. Plus, I bet it's really crowded up there.

So, we have been avoiding her.

Well, besides her trying to play "Hide and Peek" with her stank puss and all creation, she took to driving way too fast through our complex.

Recently, when Will was backing out of our garage, he looked in the rear view mirror to see her looking familiar,

sitting on his tail, ready to mash his truck into her hoo-haa. So, he pulled over worried that he was going to end up in her woo, but luckily, she just whizzed on by, which she did while shooting daggers at him. She must have seen a locomotive up ahead, which no doubt seemed more stimulating than his tiny pick-up truck.

See? Size DOES matter and sometimes it saves.

Then, a few days later, I saw her flying through the complex again. So, I called the association to complain. There are speed limits in places for a reason. And there are a lot of children and pets in our compound, and there have also been incidents where dogs have gotten run over. In this little complex, there is NO REASON why someone should be driving SO FAST that anything can get run over. NONE.

Well, the association sent her a letter as well as to her landlord. It's an anonymous complaint, but I have a distinct feeling that she knew it was me...or us.

Because then, she began attempting to provoke Will even MORE.

When Will would be out with the dogs and she would see him, she'd turn around and go get her daughter (a teenager) to walk with her and her little dog. They would walk within 10 feet of Will looking at him, whispering and snickering. He would stand there and ignore the daughter and the juvenile delinquent she has for a mother.

So, he told me about it later. And I really,

wanted to pay her a visit.

But, I didn't.

A day or so later, I was walking out the front door to water the rose bushes and I saw her dog first, then her. She hadn't looked up yet, so she didn't know that I was there.

When she looked up and our eyes met, we just kept to what we were doing, but we stared. We just stared.

Did I want to plunge my copper watering can at her head?

You betcha.

Did I want to fly forward like a ninja and do a round-house kick on her ass?

Absolutely.

But, I didn't. Although, my heart felt just as angry and heavy as if I had.

I came in the door wanting revenge. And my footsteps felt like I had added 100 pounds of rock to my body. I cursed her.

And then I sat down and took some deep breaths and tried to calm my fury. And I made up my mind.

I would seek revenge. But, I stopped and reminded myself that what should be paramount in my revenge is that my actions would speak of me and who I am. Not anyone else. My actions shouldn't speak of her, nor hers of me. After all, how much character can I possibly have if I base my integrity and actions upon other peoples' poor behavior?

If I do as they do, then the lines are blurred and there is no difference.

And then, instead of contemplating our differences, I contemplated what we most likely had in common. I contemplated our mutual desire for happiness, for safety, for acknowledgment and love.

And once I thought about it and reflected back upon seeing her out the front door, I had to acknowledge that just before she realized it was me, just for a fleeting instant, she started to smile.

She was going to smile and acknowledge the person who was going to water his rose bushes. But then...she caught my glare and having never seen me so close up before, she became aware that it was me; the enemy. And the initial impulse to smile, vanished.

So, the next day, I made haste and bought the peace offerings.

The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.

And a rosemary plant,

that had been trimmed into the shape of a small tree.

I went to her door to knock and give them to her and declare peace on our end.

She wouldn't answer.

So, thinking that she might honestly be scared, I went back home and wrote out a card. I never apologized, not because I can't, but because I honestly don't believe that it was Will's fault. I did state though that I hoped that we could put this behind us and live together in peace and light. I asked her not to bury the gifts in her woo-woo or her bum-bum, but would rather she enjoy their original purpose. But of course, she could do what she wished with them. I wished her the best and asked her to accept these gifts with the sincerity in which they were intended.

And then, I left them on her doorstep.

A couple of weeks went by and one morning when I was out with the dogs, I saw her.

And she saw me.

We were about 50 feet away from one another and she waved. And then, I waved. And then, she smiled, a great big smile. And then, invariably, I felt a great big smile spread across my face.

We saw one another for the first time in a new, astonishing way...

And it felt like a giant weight lifted from my chest,

and fluttered into the air.