The Late Night Ice Cream Call

Here's a picture of me and my wonderful folks at Christmas time in Chagrin Falls, Ohio. My Mom isn't gargantuan, she's actually standing on a step between the two of us.

I love them like mad, I tell you.

You may remember me talking about how we got into a fight over Angelina Jolie and Susan Sarandon that one time? Yeah...me too.

Or maybe the time my Dad was trying to teach my Mom how to handle a 20 gauge SHOTGUN??? Yeah...Unfortunately, I remember that one as well.

Well, there's more.

I was talking with my Mother yesterday on the phone and she said, "OH! Did I tell you about the Ice Cream truck the other night?"

And I replied, "No...I don't think so."

And she said, "Are you sure? Didn't I tell you?"

Now, I must admit to you here, that she DID tell me. But, in order to recount the story more accurately for you, I acted as though she hadn't told me. That way, I'd get to hear it all over again.

I know, I know, I'm going to hell. At least I'll know everyone when I get there.

So, then I replied again, "No Mom, I don't believe so."

Then she began to recount the story; "Well, it was around 2 o'clock in the morning and all of a sudden, I thought I heard the Ice Cream truck!"

And I inquired, "At 2 in the morning??"

Mom, "Well...it may have been 2:30 honey, I'm not sure. But, anyway...I thought I heard the Ice Cream truck. So, a few minutes past and I HEARD IT AGAIN! At this point, your Father began to stir a little and I thought that he was probably awake, so I said, 'Steve? Did you hear the Ice Cream truck?' and he said, 'Yeah...I heard something.'

Then, WE HEARD IT AGAIN! And your father said, 'What in the hell is the Ice Cream truck doing outside at 2 o'clock in the morning???' And I said, 'Steve, I think that the Ice Cream truck is INSIDE the house!!"

(At this point, I was just about on the floor.)

And she continued, "So...we laid there for a few moments and then we heard it AGAIN!! And then your Father said, 'What in the hell is the Ice Cream truck doing INSIDE THE HOUSE??"

(I was reaching for the vodka around now.)

And she continued, "Well, I don't have to tell you that your Father went and got one of his guns and began loading it! And I...well...I grabbed a club." (BECAUSE THEY HAVE CLUBS LYING AROUND???) "And we went downstairs and your Father was going to shoot the bastard playing the Ice Cream jingle! And then, I'd club his dead body or something..."

So, I asked, "You guys loaded a gun and grabbed a club?"

Mom, "Well, honey...we didn't know who was downstairs doing god knows what with the Ice Cream song!"

Me, "Okay, okay...so what happened next?"

Mom, "Well, we went downstairs and when we got there, we were waiting for the sound again and all of a sudden, THERE IT WAS AGAIN!! THE ICE CREAM TRUCK!!"

Me, "So...It was parked in the Living Room??"

Mom, "No honey, it was your Father's cell phone. It turns out that some idiot had sent him one of those word messages...you know, not a voice message."

Me, "You mean a "text" message?"

Mom, "Yes, that's it. A test message. At 2 in the morning! Well, lord have mercy, we were NOT about to answer it!"

Me, "Well, yeah Mom...I can understand why...Who was it from?"

Mom, "Oh, some idiot. We didn't open it. We heard that you get charged if you open it. Can you imagine that?? Goodness."