Me, Mao and Vladimir Kannibalevsky at The Coffee Shop

When the 2 o'clock hour hits in the afternoon, I either have to take a nap, or drink some coffee or tea. Sometimes both. It's like I'm drugged. Maybe I shouldn't smoke so much pot at 1:30.

Anyway, I headed over to the coffee stand here on campus to purchase something to wake me up. As I waited to have a chance at the provided array of cream, half-n-half, fat free, and soy milk, there was a Russian dude and a Chinese guy standing in front of me.

This is the conversation that transpired between the two of them:

So, the Russian says to the Chinese dude who was just about to pour Soy milk into his coffee, "NO! VAT ARE YOU DOINGK??? DAT IS TERRIBLE FOR YOU!!"

And the Chinese guy replied, "Soy mirk is terribrre for me?"

The Russian continued his instruction, "DA! SOY MILK KILLS PEOPLE!!"

The Chinese guy looked surprised and said, "Soy mirk kirrs peopre??"

And the Russian said, "DA! IT KILLS PEOPLE!! YOU SHOULD EAT ESKIMO. ESKIMO GIVE YOU ENERGY!"

Are there Eskimos in Siberia? I had NO fucking clue what he was talking about. And I don't think the Chinese guy did either because he just stared at the Russian like, "Okay...Werr, what the herr do I do now?"

THEN, the Russian continued his tirade, "LOOK! WE EITHER GO TO K-MART NOW?? OR NOT AT ALL!!"

Apparently eating Eskimos gives you vicious cravings for K-Mart and also makes you cranky. Who knew?

Do you suppose that Eskimo women refer to their woo-haa as an "Eskimo pie"? Probably not, huh?

What about the guys and their peeps? Do you think that they refer to their peeps as "Popsicles"? No?

What about "Peepsicles"? No? Damn it...

What about their poo? Do you think that they call their turds "Fudgsicles"? Probably not that either?? Okay...What about "Bon Bons"? Do you think that they refer to their turds as "Bon Bons"?? You doubt it? Wow...You guys are a rough crowd.