Things I've Overheard Recently

I actually heard this yelled at work when I went downstairs to get some water:

"MY VAGINA IS PISSED OFF!!! IT'S ANGRY AS HELL AND IT'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"

Me and my penis ran back upstairs.

*****

I overheard this while walking by a young woman here at UC Santa Barbara, while she was oblivious, talking on her cell phone:

"My boobs were not what they are now. I like these ones much better!"

Great...Okay.

*****

I overheard this while walking by a playground with the dogs. An older sister and a younger brother.

The boy: "STOP IT! STOP IT!! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME!!!"

The sister shot back: "Oh, shut up. No I'm not...I'm probably just going to hurt you real bad."

At least she's honest.

*****

A father and two young boys in front of a urinal discussing the blue sanitary round thing in the bottom of it.

The boys: "Dad? That looks like a big piece of gum!" "YEAH DAD!! IT LOOKS LIKE GUM!!"

The father: "Trust me, that's not gum."

The boys: "DAD! IT LOOKS LIKE GUM!"

The father: "It's not gum, that you can be sure of."

*****

A female professor of Classics to a group of testosterone-raging college age boys:

"Why are you all laughing? Ohh...The giant phalluses...I'm used to those."

She thought that they were laughing before.