Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye

in

So, we've been rather frantic lately. We leave for Taos, New Mexico at about 3 a.m. tomorrow. My parents are flying into Albuquerque, where we will pick them up (after 12 hours of driving), then continue on our way to Taos (another 2 hours of driving).

After relaxing and enjoying the area, we're headed to Williams, Arizona and the Grand Canyon on the way back to Santa Barbara. And once we return to California, with my folks in-tow, we'll be celebrating like pagans through the New Year.

I'm excited off-my-rocker to be able to spend 3 weeks with my parental units...3 WEEKS! Just think of the material I'm going to have! These are the same parents of the "We got in a fight over Susan Sarandon and Angelina Jolie" fame. And the very same parents of the "My Father is trying to teach my Mother how to use a 20-gauge shotgun" fame.

We're bringing the dogs and I'm going to attempt to try to film and post (for your enjoyment) us training Gomez how to wear doggie's hiking boots (because of the snow). The last time we tried and just put the back ones on, he was doing hand-stands, which almost made me piss my pants. Now, before you think I'm completely retarded...or more retarded, this is the same poor little fella who was run over by a train. So, there's actually a reason why we would buy leather boots for him. Did they have to be Manolo Blahnik's? Probably not.

So anyway, we've been trying to get everything done for Christmas because we won't be returning until the 21st. And preparing for my parents' stay here. And preparing for the vacation.

The house that we rented doesn't have internet access. (WHAT? WHAT? WHAT THE HELL?) I didn't ask, I assumed and we all know what happens when we ASS-U-ME. Yes, I remember from boot camp, Petty Officer Pace, I remember... I'm going to attempt posting from an internet cafe to give you a low-down on the conversations and happenings that will take place. They should be dandy. If I can't post while we're away, I'll DEFINITELY be taking notes.

But, I don't know when I'm going to find time to tell you about how I've either pinched a nerve, or a tendon, or muscle in my left hip and have been limping for 3 days. It's actually quite painful and when I was telling my best bud Dor (from the "Suck it, Nick! Suck it!" fame) about it, she inquired; "What happened? Were you having some wild sex???"

And there was a pause...and then I heard Dor's slight intake of breath (the pause revealing the truth) and I confessed...reluctantly. "Yes, I was having wild sex." She was the only one I told, until right now. Even Will didn't know, because unfortunately, I was by myself at the time of the injury, thus the only one involved.

And...I don't know when I'm going to find time to tell you about how at our dinner party on Saturday night, much of the conversation revolved around personal grooming (thank you, Britney Spears). The topic continued inbetween out-bursts of singing, Paula Abdul's "Straight Up" - "Do-do you love me? Do-do you love me, Baaabbbyyy?"

I knew that the evening was going well when empty wine bottles started to out number people and while I was in the kitchen I could hear simultaneously coming from the dining room; "I know for a fact that labias do not get fatter as you gain weight...I KNOW THIS!" and

"I've been a fool before
Wouldn't like to get my love caught
In the slammin' door
How about some information--please"

And then hearing "Yeah, so THEN, she waxed off MUCH more hair then I intended, I later broke out in a horrible rash! And after all of that, the triangle of hair that was left was LOPSIDED!"

And:

"Straight up now tell me
Do you really want to love me forever oh oh oh
Or am I caught in a hit and run
Straight up now tell me
Is it gonna be you and me together oh oh oh
Are you just having fun?"

And: "I don't want it completely bald! Call me weird, I don't want to feel like I'm with a ten year old girl, OKAY?"

The rendition continued:

"You are so hard to read
You play hide and seek
With your true intentions"

And: "Once you go waxed, you never go back!"

And twinkling in the background were the Christmas lights from the tree and the mantle and the villages. And candles were flickering. And quietly colliding with our conversations about pubic hair sculpting and our rendition of "Straight Up" was Bing Crosby singing Christmas songs. And I looked around at Will and our dogs and our friends drinking, laughing and singing and discussing complete potty talk and my heart felt warm. And I felt deep gratitude.

Then I joined in:

"If you're only playing games
I'll just have to say--bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye"