Umm...Wow. — HERCULANEUM

This is an awl, it is used for marking wood, or for leatherworkers or cobblers to pierce holes in leather. This is NOT to be put in your pucker. K? Please, I know it's very inviting, but please don't do it. Do what Nancy Reagan did and "just say no".

However, there was an individual who felt differently about it. This contribution comes to us compliments of our dashing correspondent; Dickie in D.C. Another doozie, Dickie! And the thought of it makes me feel woozie. But Dickie, what I would like to know is why they needed to call the fire department? Do these awls spontaneously combust??? Were they scared that the guy had burritos for lunch and there was going to be an explosion that would send the awl careening out of control from his hole piercing bodies in its path??? If enough methane builds up, do awls take on the characteristics of rockets???

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‘You can’t get much more concealed than that’
Police arrest naked man after he allegedly said he had a tool in his rectum

Updated: 2:21 a.m. PT Nov 4, 2006
EL CERRITO, Calif. - A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors — naked — and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said.

The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said.

John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan.

“You can’t get much more concealed than that,” Horgan said.

Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident.

Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon.

“When you’re talking about an awl or an ice pick and you’re dealing with somebody who’s fresh out of prison, it’s a weapon. That’s a stabbing instrument,” Horgan said.

It was not immediately clear what Sheehan was on parole for. A person answering the phone at the jail Friday night did not know whether Sheehan had a lawyer.

See? Why the fire department?