Kelly's Gift — HERCULANEUM

Oh Kelly,… I’m at a loss…for words, not for tears though.
They seem to just keep spilling over my eyelids.
Dancing on the edge of my eyelashes,
Before they spill onto my cheek…
And my heart has sank to beneath the earth,
And climbed its way back into my throat,
To rest there for a while,
and then drifting back to its place in my chest.
Until I realize that I’m awake
and that the stars really have taken you back,
Alas, the tears spill yet once more
and my heart heads for the earth again…
Why did they have to take you back so soon? I plead.
I know that is where you belong, with the stars, we all knew…
We always knew.

Oh but how grateful we are… thank you oh stars of the heavens.
You have let us borrow one of your own. For such a short while,
But you have nonetheless… one of your own.
We are so much better for having known her, so much better.
But I think it must be wonderful to have her home,
For it was wonderful to have her here.

Thank you
For those bright green eyes,
That truly sparkled like the warm summer sun upon the water.
And that wide open mouth, full of those beautiful white teeth
That she would press her tongue against when she laughed…
Oh that laugh… above all… that laugh!! She would stick her tongue out
Just a little, between her teeth, and those nostrils of hers would flair.
Then no one was safe… from laughing or falling in love with her.
And you couldn’t just laugh with her a little… or love her just a little.
It was against the natural law. We would laugh until our sides hurt.
Hell, we laughed until other people’s sides hurt!

I was in the pool today, and I can still see her swimming.
And I can still see us throwing kick boards at our coaches…and at the divers… and then cackling loudly, as if there is another way to cackle.
And we made fun of everyone…
We didn’t discriminate, we picked on everybody, and each other…
We believed that if you couldn’t laugh at yourself, then you left the job to someone else.
And that “someone else” was usually us.

And I can still see us dancing; on the school buses, in the hallways, by the pool and in the pool, on the dance floors, the tennis courts, and on the sidewalks and the streets.
Actually, wherever we would meet.
And I can see those gorgeous nostrils flaring while we laugh,
And wishing that mine could do the same…
Although, mine are pretty big, more like K.C.’s…
If these things flared, I’d break stuff.

And then yet again, I feel grateful through my grief…
Thank you oh stars of the heavens,
You have let us borrow one of your own.
For a short while, you have let us borrow her.
And we are so much better for having known her.
But I think it must be wonderful to have her home,
For it was wonderful to have her here.

And although as my heart heads for the earth again,
And my teardrops dance and spill,
And I know that I’ll never get to hug, or dance, or kiss, or laugh
With her again,
I know how she made my heart feel…
How completely astonishing she made my heart feel…
And that gift, I will always have…

In Honor of the Life of Kelly Carlson, April 21, 2004,
The Day the Stars took her back.