It Was Worth The Crabs...

Well...I met a certain someone the other day, Friday afternoon to be more precise. And I just now stopped scratching from the lice that I caught from her. The cold sores around my mouth that she gave me are finally going away, as are the crabs. At least the flies that were swarming around her dirty crack had the decency to follow her on the rest of her trip down to Los Angeles. Everyone probably thought that it was smog, nope, it was a cloud of flies following her stank ass. Wow...I thought when I first saw her that I was just going to have to douse her in Lysol, just to get close to her. And then, all of a sudden, BOOM - her tongue was in my mouth. I was like, "Whatever, bitch...betta step off." But with that tongue in my mouth, it was more like, "Whhmmpt, biib..btammdstpff."

HA! I'm actually just trying to incite Jennster into coming back down to Santa Barbara for a visit, even if it means coming down to kick my ass. I'll gladly take the beating in order to see her and Blake again.

I wasn't sure if we were going to be able to meet. As you may have seen with my previous post and my lack of comments (I'm going to catch up, I promise!) I'm busier than Anna Nicole in a pile of coke...or a bucket of vodka...or in a pharmacy...or a nursing home. Anyway, with how awful work has been I really really wanted to meet Jennster in person. I needed some comic relief and just KNEW that Jennster was going to be just how I imagined.

I originally planned that we could meet at this eclectic little coffee shop, "Cafe Luna" in Summerland, it's near the freeway, so she could find it quickly and jump right back on and not lose much time. It's also near the beach and I thought that way, if they had some time and Blake wanted to go, we could go for a quick walk down by the ocean.

Well, as my schedule would have it, it didn't quite work out that way. So, I worked my skinny ass off in order to take an hour to head off campus to meet her and Blake at a near-by In-N-Out (decent burger joint). In-N-Out was also near the freeway, so Jen would have easy access to it.

We played a little bit of phone-tag, but eventually connected. She had me cracking up before we even talked (I saved one of her voice messages because she just about called me every name in the book and it actually made me snort with laughter).

As I was driving to meet her something peculiar happened though, something I hadn't anticipated, I suddenly became nervous. I mean, I knew that she was going to try and feel me up - that was a given - that's why I chose a public spot, because I like getting felt up in public. But I hadn't been nervous about meeting someone for a very long time. I seldom get nervous like that. Oh sure, if I'm preparing to go out on stage before a performance, I'm easily on the verge of shitting my pants. Unless I'm clad in a rubber thong bracing for my next pole-dance number, then I'm easily on the verge of shitting my thong...or strap, shitting my strap. But to just meet someone?

Here I had been looking forward to meeting her and knew that she was going to fulfill and most likely exceed my expectations. But it hadn't occurred to me that she was probably having some expectations of her own...Suddenly, I felt like I was in a spotlight and had forgotten my lines. And I thought, "What if she doesn't think I'm funny? What if I say a whole boat-load of stupid things? What if I smell like garlic? What if Blake thinks my nostrils are HUGE and I'm a dork?" All this crap was running through my head.

And then I saw her (and the cloud of flies).

And I stopped being silly (cause flies were getting caught in my teeth). Something calmed me and I thought, I've probably known her before, I have known her before...because she's wonderfully familiar. There's a light in her that I'm not sure she's aware of...and that's a good thing. A humble thing. With a radiant personality and fantastic smile and brilliant green eyes that let you know just what she's feeling. And a way of throwing her head back when she laughs that reveals this really lovely, sexy neck. And a demeanor that put me at ease immediately.

We hugged when we met. And Blake was a gentleman and shook my hand. I could tell he was checking out my nostrils though. Jen and I headed inside to place our order while Blake took the car and went to pick up some beer, porn and chicks. At the counter as we were ordering, I was trying to decide whether or not I wanted onions on my burger...I didn't want to bowl Jen over with onion breath. But then she turned and proclaimed right on cue, "We're NOT making out later, so you might as well go ahead!" So, I said, "Okay, I'll take onions please..." and we all burst out laughing, including the cashier. Then we both took turns tonguing the cashier.

Then we headed outside where Blake proceeded to take a thousand pictures of us (he had returned from his beer run), mainly extreme close-ups that you can probably count all of my nose hairs (3048). We were laughing and he kept snapping and laughing and snapping...until RRRRRRRTTT (that was the brakes on the situation) - because Blake dropped the camera. Camera-party time over.

Jen wasn't mad, although I think that the little champ may have been momentarily embarrassed. But it was fine. The camera lived for another day. And so will I, in the hopes that my path will cross again with this old friend of mine that I just recently met, sooner rather than later.